Happy New Year!

As I sit here writing my last post of 2013, I'm in awe of myself for some reason. This year was unique  for me. I participated in  a writing challenge, I changed roles at my job, I did a few things I said I would never do and I learned a lot about myself in the process. I hope you all had a chance to experience life in new and exciting ways and that you learned new things as well.

While most people are making New Year's Resolutions that will only last a few months, I choose to keep pressing on. I want to keep improving myself and stepping out on faith. I want to wish you all love, peace, happiness and what ever else your heart desires in the new year. I look forward to interacting with you all more and maybe even finishing my book. ;). Who knows, anything is possible.
Be Blessed!

Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL........

Wow, this holiday season has been full of ups and downs. On the one hand I'm happy that I was able to spend time with my family and on the other, I'm missing those who have passed on. Either way, I'm truly thankful for the many gifts I've received this year from God. I'm not talking about presents, I mean "true gifts". These gifts are things that have no monetary value but they hold sentimental value. I have been so blessed to spend another year holding my daughter, being able to talk to my mom, texting with my brother, playing Words with Friends with my bestie, or just watching my husband smile at our child when he thinks I'm not looking.

These are the things you can't put a price tag on; the things that REALLY matter in life. To me, that's what the Christmas holiday is all about; sharing, living, laughing, appreciating, and giving. I have been blessed and I pray that you have been blessed as well. Take time today to reflect on the day's events and really just say Thank You Jesus, it's because of you I'm able to ______. He knows your needs and your desires, so just thank Him in advance. I promise you, when He answers, that gift will be like no other.

.......AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT

You Can't Take Me There

Tonight, while lurking on FB, I ran across some virtual beef between a few folks. The reason for the beef, isn't my issue, my concern lies with allowing people to take you "there". You know that place that only a person who means you no good can take you to. "There" is the place that will make you lose what little religion you have, it may even cause you to do something stupid.

I'm not immune, people have taken me "there" on plenty of occasions. Some people know what sets me off and if they are having a bad day, they like to take you along for the ride. This advice is as much for me as for anyone else, we have to stop allowing people to take us out of our zone.   Even my daughter has this problem. When she has a bad day at school, she often says "so and so, did this or that and that's why I did what I did". I'm trying to teach her that she, and she alone, is in control of her destiny. How she chooses to respond to stumbling blocks is her responsibility and that choice with ultimately define what type of adult she will become. We are judged by the decisions we make and when the decisions are bad or yield bad results, people rarely consider the circumstances that caused us to act a certain way. We end up looking like idiots, while the other person has moved on to terrorize their next victim.  I hope she gets it early, because I've only recently learned this lesson for myself.

Some people crave drama and discontent; not me. I am choosing to block folks that get in my spiritual space. Will I always adhere to my own advice? Who's to say, it really depends. I just know that some things are worth the drama, but most things are not.

Be Blessed!

For The Longest Time

(Reposted from my Face Book status)

 

I stepped out to run errands during lunch and I stopped at RaceTrac to take advantage of their free coffee. It was packed of course and blocking the coffee dispensers were a bunch of kids talking it up. I was mad because I have stuff to do. I was getting ready to leave, when the manager said "anyone standing in line for free coffee has to sing". They looked at each other, someone counted 1..2..3..... and then they began to sing "For the longest time" (I think that's Billy Joel). Let me say, they sounded amazing and changed my mood instantly. I found out they were returning from singing at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta.
This reminded me 1) How much fun I had in show choir and 2)How free spirited kids really are. These kids didn't make a fuss or catch an attitude, they stood there and gave joy to everyone in the store. Be blessed!!

Getting To My Happy Place

I think I've reached the time in my life where I realize nothing is what I thought it would be.
I'm not where I thought I would be and I'm no where near that "place". I have to figure out my plan B because plan A didn't work so well. I have to stop relying on others to be happy and figure out how to get to happy on my own. I think I can get there but I'm not sure who will be there when I finally reach that happy place. What I do know is for once in my life, I'm finally ready to take things to the next level and shake things up a bit. The excitement is intoxicating and terrifying at the same time.

Guilty Pain

This week I told someone your story. I didn't share the entire book, just your last chapter because it's the one that sticks in my mind. I don't know why it's so hard to talk about, after all it's been 14 years. 

So much has happened since then, it seems like I've lived a thousand lives since you went away. You were there for so many things in my life yet I didn't get to share the most important things. I've met a boy, fell in love, got married, received my Master's Degree, had a baby and watched our family fall apart without our "glue".  I miss you daily though some days are worse than others. There are times when I think of you and laugh and there are times I think of you and cry. I'm not sure why it still hurts so much, but it does. I often hear  people say "it feels like yesterday", well honestly it does.

 I've tried so hard to be strong and yet today I feel weak. I know you are in a better place and your pain is completely gone but sometimes I feel cheated. I miss you so much. Of all the people I've known, you were the most real. I think I  can't get over it because I feel so guilty. I don't think I ever told you that I loved you, I never thanked you for being there for me when my Mom couldn't, but most importantly, I'm sorry for not being there when you left this Earth. So just in case you can hear me now, I love you, I thank you and I miss you.

Picking Up The Slack

I've been slacking lately, not at work, or home, but on my blog. I cannot believe I haven't expressed myself in this forum in almost 2 weeks. I wish I could say that something truly spectacular happened which caused my mini hiatus but that's not the case. I basically just got too busy to write. That's very scary for me, because writing is my passion, writing is my way of expression my joys as well as my frustrations.

 I love having the space to call my own, where I don't have to have a filter, where I can just be me. My life has so many twists and turns and yet, for the past 2 weeks, I've kept everything bottled up. Even as I type this post, I can feel myself loosening up as the stress of my week gently melts away. I honestly enjoy sharing myself with others in this way because I don't allow too many people in my circle. This way my feelings can fly free, even if I don't "name names"...lol. I can get mad, say what I want, and then move on. The best part about this is, if someone doesn't like what I'm saying, they have the freedom to not read but I would rather engage in a healthy debate. After all this is why I do what I do.

 I know I'm not the only person who has strong opinions about certain issues, so why not engage in healthy discussions. We have to find ways to detox mentally from time to time and allow our passions to explode beyond our thoughts. We have to be inspired by something to be motivated to do something. I'm embracing all my passions and releasing them one by one. It's time to get moving and finish some things that I started so long ago. No more slacking for me.
Be Blessed!

Longing to Live on Purpose

I attended the memorial service for my friend yesterday and I must say it was beautiful. Stories were shared as well as laughter and tears. I think the most touching part was when the video tribute was played and she actually was able to speak long enough to thank God for blessing her abundantly and personally thanking her friends for always checking on her. Needless to say there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

Afterwards, the minister couldn't say a lot because, as he put it, "she basically gave her own eulogy". So instead of the traditional eulogy, the minister asked us to think about the impact she had on our lives and asked one question: "What will you do with what she gave you?" Now that was powerful. He cited all of the wonderful things people had to say about her from her jovial spirit to her love for God. He reminded us, that all of our days were numbered and death was surely certain, so what will we do with the time in between birth and death.

 I admit, I thought about that very question all night. I remembered looking around the sanctuary at all of the friends she made and the lives she touched. I looked at the people celebrating her life yet mourning the fact that we will no longer see her smiling face or hear her laughter that could fill the largest of rooms. I thought to myself, I want to live life to the fullest. I want to change lives and live ON PURPOSE. Basically, I wanted to live like my friend. Through every illness she suffered, and there were many, she greeted every battle with strength and courage. She never let her pain define her; she was the true definition of a survivor. She purposefully touched the lives of adults and children alike, leaving a legacy that is surely slated to please the Lord for as long as we are on this Earth.

As for me, I want to leave this life knowing I did what God required of me and most importantly I want my friends and family to know that I loved them with all my might. I will truly miss her shining light and her thoughtfulness. I know she wouldn't want the tears so I shed my last tear last night and took comfort in knowing she heard the words she longed to hear "Well done my good and faithful servant, well done".

The Power of Prayer

This morning, while trying to wake my daughter for school, I stopped and said a prayer. I prayed for her safety to and from school and I prayed that God would cover the school and blanket them from harm today. I pray often, so this really wasn't that unusual but for some reason this morning, I felt  that I NEEDED to more than ever. I'm so glad I did, because an armed man walked into an elementary school located only 30 minutes Northeast of where I live.

This afternoon, local news outlets reported a gunman had walked into a DeKalb county elementary school and even fired shots at the police before surrendering. The school's bookkeeper, Antoinette Tuff,  is being credited with convincing the shooter to put down his guns and give up. The gunman asked her to call the news station and she did what she was told but not before saying a quick prayer. Thankfully, the suspect was apprehended and no one was harmed though I can't help but think of what could have happened. Ms. Tuff was the only one in direct contact with the gunman but instead of panicking, she prayed. She was able to keep calm, thus keeping the gunman calm, which in turn kept everyone safe from harm.

Some people don't be believe in the power of prayer, but after today's events, how could you not? Prayer changes things. When we pray and do so the right way, the atmosphere shifts. What the Devil meant for evil, turned out good in the end. This incident could have turned out another way, but when God is in the mist, everything changes. We have to understand the order of things and sometimes we are put into situations that force us to seek the Heavenly Father's comfort and guidance (even if we don't understand the "why" at the time). I thank God that I'm a praying woman and I thank God that I'm not the only one.
Be Blessed!

R.I.P Lee Thompson Young (The Famous Jett Jackson)

I just heard about the apparant suicide of Lee Thompson Young. Some of you 90's babies may know him as Jett Jackson on Disney Channel's show of the same name, but I also know him as Detective Frost on TNTs Rizzoli & Isles. I watch this guy on TV every week and I was always amazed at how he was able to continue acting without being typecasted. He was one of the few lucky child stars that successfully transitioned into adult roles.

 His roles have been very different but somehow he brought something new and captivating to each role. What I saw was a happy well adjusted child actor making his way into an awesome and successful adult actor, but who knows what he was truly going through. We see the struggles with drugs, sexuality, finances, emotions of some but yet there are those that suffer in silence. He appeared happy and well adjusted but looks in this case were deceiving.

 His death confirms that what we see on the outside may not always be reality. We shouldn't take someone's smile for granted. Though a smile may be a sign of strength, we owe it to ourselves and to other's to dig a little deeper and not let appearances get in the way of us helping one another. You may need a hug, he may need a listening ear, she may need a shoulder to lean on. Whatever the need, we should make ourselves available to a loved one so they will know they are truly loved and cared for. Simply put, show you care; you might just save someone's life. We need to pray for Lee Thompson Young's family as well as our own.
Be Blessed!

8/16/99-The Greatest Loss

Fourteen years ago, our Heavenly Father called my grandmother ("mama") home, but somehow it feels like it happened yesterday. Everything reminds me of her; sometimes I greet those memories with a smile or a laugh, but today for some reason I greeted them with tears. My grandmother was the best person I knew, she is the only person that can get you told yet make you feel loved at the same time. She treated all of our friends with love and kindness and she would feed or clothe anyone in need. On Sundays, her house was packed. Everyone stopped by because they knew she cooked a big meal and that laughter would feel the air. I remember the summers were the best. The family, related (and not), would come over for a cookout or fish fry, listen to music  in the front yard, and laugh and dance for hours.  Those were the good old days for real. Even when she started feeling poorly, she still made her home welcome to everyone. She didn't cook as much but people still wanted to be in her presence.

During the last year of her life, I moved away, I didn't know how sick she really was or that time was drawing near. I knew she was "sickly" but honestly didn't realize the severity. It took me years to understand that she didn't want me to know because she knew I would have stayed. She was about living and enjoying life and she really wanted that for me. During the last few months, she grew more ill, and she wasn't herself at all. We took turns taking care of her but she still tried to take care of us. The last month is what I remember most. I would call and talk but she her words were few and mostly she just answered questions. When she finally had to go to the hospital, she kept telling everyone that I was coming to see her. When my aunt asked if I had told her I was coming home, I was confused because I hadn't said that to her at all. They figured she was talking out of her head, but for some reason I took action. I hadn't been on the job that long but my boss understood my grandma was ill and I had to go home. 

With little thought and no questions, I packed up and hit the road. When I got to the hospital, she was on Morphine and didn't recognize me at first. After talking to her for a few minutes, she looked up and smiled and say "Hey Boy" (she called all of the girls boys, she said it was easier..lol). I stayed with her for a few days and then had to say my goodbyes. I didn't want to leave but I had to and honestly it was just too hard to watch her like that. The next day, my aunt called me and said she was "gone". I was so hurt and heartbroken but happy that I was able to see her one last time and happy she was no longer in pain. 

After that day, nothing was ever the same.  People said such kinds words about her and told wonderful stories. It was hard to laugh and so easy to cry. I cried for me not for her. I cried because I wouldn't be able to call her during The Price Is Right anymore, knowing I was interrupting her favorite show. I cried because she would never meet my children. I cried because I knew my life would never be same.

Sky: My Ultimate Blessing

As I watched my daughter sleep, I realized how special she was and how blessed I am. This child can bring about so many emotions in me. She is a blessing because I was once told she would never be here because of trauma I had experienced in my past. I'm blessed because God said "only I have the final word, the doctors must not know what I can do".

I knew from day one that she was going to be something special. We had to work so hard to bring her into this world, (anything that difficult had to be worth it). Now she's here and I'm still amazed at how she came to be. I've only told a few people about our journey to parenthood, so I think I may have a different outlook on the entire experience than most. I can't share right now, but maybe one day soon. Just know that my baby girl is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She has taught me so much about myself. She's also taught me a lot about life. If you're a parent, you understand what I mean (if not, just wait and see). Every day I watch her blossom and every day I see myself in her eyes. She forces me to be patient and understanding, even on those days when she "tries it", I have to dig deep. When she says "I love you mama", for no reason at all, I know it's pure and coming straight from her heart. That kind of love will humble you quickly and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am so glad I chose to put my faith in God and not man. When man said NO, God said YES and here she is today. I am so amazed at her and I'm in awe of God. Through her creation, I now know what TRUE love is. A love that allowed my Heavenly Father to say I was worthy enough to look after His creation. A love like that is so overwhelming, yet so calming at the same time.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle...

We've all heard the Recycling catchphrase "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" which originally refers to decreasing plastic, aluminum or paper waste. That's fine if you're trying to save the planet, but what if we actually took those words and applied it to life?

Reduce - This isn't as easy as using a water filtration system instead of buying water bottles. I mean reducing the negative energy in your space. We need to stop making excuses for keeping negative influences in our lives. We all have that person who sucks the life out of us just by walking in the room. What about the job you go to everyday, not because you WANT to but because you HAVE to? The cheating mates, the drama filled relationships, the junk food; it all HAS TO GO! Purge your life of bad people and bad habits and watch the atmosphere begin to shift in your favor.

Reuse - Now typically this would mean refilling a water bottle, or saving that Ziploc bag for another use. In this instance, I say take what works for you and keep doing it. I'm not saying don't think outside the box or don't rock the boat, more like "use what you got to get what you want". I think this is easy once we know what we "got". If you need to make some extra money, think about the skills you may have learned at previous jobs and put them to use in a new way. Have you worked in the customer service industry for a long time? Use that experience to teach a class on customer service skills. Do you love to shop and have an eye for fashion? Why not try to become a Personal Shopper or start your own Concierge business. The possibilities are endless. Once you know who you are, and what you have to offer, everything else will fall into place. Remember, there's a market for everything.

Recycle - This one can be tricky but it's all about taking something "old" and making it "new" again. I like to think of this as turning negative energy into positive energy (you know, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade). Did you get laid off or worse, get fired? Maybe this is God's way of telling you it's time to start that business you've been thinking about. If you can't get promoted because you don't have a degree, don't give up, use this time to go back to school. Lots of schools offer online classes now so NO MORE EXCUSES! Whatever it is that has you down, understand it's not over, it's just time to re-evaluate your situation and press forward.

A new outlook, a new focus, a new strategy could literally save your life. The time is now. We need to get busy and live instead of watching everyone else live. I don't want to be like the Joneses, I want to be the Joneses.

Building Bridges

There comes a point in your life when you have to learn to forgive certain things. I think I speak from experience since I was once a person who could "take a grudge to the grave" if I had to; I have since changed my perspective. Holding grudges sucked the life out of me.  I had to learn there are some people who will never see things like you, they will never love like you, and they may never understand how their actions shaped who you are today.

Though time had passed and life had moved on, I still held on to all of the bad stuff instead of realizing how much I benefitted from the bad treatment. See, thanks to the bad boyfriends and the best friend from hell, I figured out a lot about myself. I realized I am worthy of love (that's what led me to the man I am now married to); I am worthy of a friend who gives like I give (I've had the same BFF since the 10th grade) and I am most certainly free from the crap that caused my severe bouts of depression during the last two years of high school.

I've learned to simply build bridges and get over the things I can't control while changing the things I can. It really is that simple.
Be Blessed!

People With No Vision Will Stunt Your Growth(If you let them)

I want to know why people allow others to "stunt their growth". I don't mean physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Why would you surround yourself with people who have nothing better to do than criticize you or question your vision? I personally have no time for it. I refuse to share my vision with people who I know have no vision of their own.

When people lack vision, they have no problems telling you how bad yours is. When you share your plans with someone but they find every reason why you shouldn't move forward, they have no vision. When they feel the need to tell you how you need to make a change, but they can't take what they dish out, they have no vision. When you share good news and they look at you with a blank stare, they have no vision. Some people don't know how to be happy with themselves, so they definitely can't be happy for you. Misery loves company and I would rather not have miserable people in my presence. Miserable people are judgmental, conniving, petty, and worst of all they lack vision.

The best way to rid yourself of these type of people is to stop sharing information. I don't feel the need to share my business with everyone, regardless of our relationship. I know who I can and can't share my life with, all others are on a need to know basis. For me, I found this is the best way to combat misery. When miserable people see that you aren't falling for their shenanigans, they either change their tune or move on to the next person.  I'm fine either way. If you move on, I know you were never really meant to be in my life, and if you change your tune, I may share more with you but I will still be cautious. Success is about self preservation first, so if you have no vision, you have no place in my life.

God's Love is No Ordinary Love

Have you ever been through so much that you find yourself asking "Lord, why me?" everyday. I used to be there. I used to wonder why someone who tried so hard to be good to people always seemed to end up on the wrong side of things. I'm not saying I'm perfect (I'm far from it), but I don't intentionally set out to do people harm, yet I felt someone was always after me. The Devil was busy.

 This past year has really been a test of faith for me. Personally I've experienced some things that I never thought I would, but I'm still here. My friend explained to me, that God chooses his most faithful, so they can pass the test and tell the story. Isn't that what being a Christian is all about? We can't truly have a testimony without a "test" can we? Of course not! It's easy to praise God when things are going good, but it takes TRUE FAITH, to praise Him in your circumstance.

I had to learn that dealing with God (or Him dealing with me) is truly different than dealing with man. Man will have you believe bad things happen to good people, but God's word tells you that He takes His relationship with us personally. When we lose our way and begin to focus on the world instead of staying close to Him, He becomes jealous and rightly so. I guess this is what the old folks meant when I used to hear them say God is vain. I admit, I used to think that was so disrespectful to speak of God that way but as I grew closer to Him, I started to understand what that truly meant. He does so much for us, He blesses us with life, love, happiness, good jobs, beautiful families, yet we don't have time to say hi or hello until something goes wrong. Even still, He loves us, no matter what the hour, now matter what we've done.  If we ask for forgiveness, He's there. I'm in awe of Him daily.  He wants us to understand how much He loves us, after all He sent His Son to die for us so that we may be free; Isn't that the ultimate love? Who else loves you like that?

Four Weeks to the Day

It's been exactly 4 weeks since George Zimmerman was found Not Guilty in the murder of Trayvon Martin. My question is what have you done to make a difference? I can honestly say I haven't done a thing and I am ashamed.

In the last 4 weeks, I have been blessed to be able to kiss my kid goodnight EVERY  night, Trayvon's parents cannot. In the last 4 weeks, I have sent my kid off to camp and/or school and watched her come home every day, Trayvon's parents cannot.  In the last 4 weeks, I have watched the changes in my daughter , Trayvon's parents cannot. In the last 4 weeks, I have talked with my kid about her future, Trayvon's parents cannot.

I don't know what the future holds. All I can do is pray to my Heavenly Father that he will keep my family safe from harm. My hope is there won't be another George Zimmerman or another Trayvon Martin, but the reality is, if I don't stand up, there will be. Though time may help the community heal from this tragedy, we must not forget what happened and what will happen again if we don't do something about these bogus "stand your ground" type laws. Remember the term "flip the script"? I say we "flip the script" and stand our ground. We cannot rest until these laws are changed. Trayvon cannot rest in peace until these laws are changed. Will you stand with me?

Emotional Roller Coaster

As the work week is finally ending I suddenly realize I've been on an emotional roller coaster this week. First I sent my daughter to school on the bus for the first time. She had the biggest smile on her face because now she is a "big girl" but I cried all the way back to my home. Then on the same day, I get an instant message from one of my friends letting me know that another friend had passed away from a battle with cancer, and there went the water works all over again.

Yesterday was non-eventful, I tried not to focus on my sadness and actually found some time to laugh. I was able to get through the day with only a little work drama and little human interaction.
Today, was much better, we have the kid all set to start softball. She is excited to try something new, I'm excited that she's excited, and Daddy is excited because his baby girl is interested in sports. Talk about the little things, LOL.

 Now with that being said, I know life has it's ups and downs but it's how we handle each situation that really determines who we are. This week, I chose to focus on the good times with my friend, her zest for life, and her determination to put up a good fight. I cried for a while, but I realized she wouldn't want sadness, she would want me to remember her fondly and that I do. It has been a tough week for me but I'm still here. I know that I am strong, I know that I am faithful, and I know above all, God doesn't make mistakes. When I pray to Him and ask that His will be done, I have faith it is done. So tonight, after this very difficult week, I can sleep easy and rest well knowing that I am safe in His arms and can do all things through Christ.
Be Blessed Y'all.

Damage Control

I've been watching a lot of talk shows lately and I'm still amazed at how many people will put their business out there for millions of strangers to see. How many times can the same female go to Maury for a DNA test? After telling guy #25 "you are NOT the father" wouldn't you give up? I think I might. How many times can you run off stage crying because you were 110% positive that this dude was the kids' father and you were wrong. It's ridiculous. I wonder if these people ever sit down and consider the damage they are really doing to themselves and their families. Sometimes I want to tell these women to think before you act. We all make mistakes but you have to move on. What's more important, testing 20 or more men or raising a healthy well adjusted child? Personally, I'll take the latter.

Although every child deserves to know their father, I wouldn't want my kid to one day pull up the archived footage of me on some talk show testing multiple men to prove their paternity. Not only would they have to deal with possibly never knowing the truth about their dad, but now they have to deal with a truth about mom. The truth that mom put herself out there with so many men, unprotected, and now she doesn't know who my father is. The child doesn't care that mom is suffering from her own emotional baggage, or that she is acting out because of some childhood trauma that has yet to heal. If I can see the woman has issues, it's possible the child can see it as well.

This isn't about judgment, it's about choices. We have to stop being victims and take our lives back, at any cost. We have to be accountable for our behavior so we are free to move on . Whatever is going on now or has happened in the past, we have a choice of what we put out there for the world to see. We have to decide what's in the best interest for ALL parties involved and make the best choice for the family. We have to stop looking for fame and think about the inevitable damage you could do.

This Time Might Be Your Last

I have had a really rough day today so I am re-posting my FaceBook status from this morning. I'm emotionally drained but I know joy comes in the morning.

    I just found out that a dear friend of mine passed away yesterday. It's strange to think I won't be able to joke with her anymore or listen to her laugh or see her smile. When I met her she had already been attacked by cancer once but was true survivor. I saw her in Feb. and she told me her body was under attack again. she was in Chemo but she was at work laughing and smiling. Unfortunately this time she wasn't able to beat it. I miss her already. — feeling sad.

 

I am so glad I had the chance to know her and experience her sense of humor. She was a wonderful person to work with and a joy to be around. I feel much better than this morning because when I thought back to our last conversation, I hugged her, I told her to let me know if she needed my family to do anything for her while she was out of work, and finally that night I prayed for her healing. God knew she was tired and her body had been through so much.

 

The moral to this story is when you see someone you really care about, you need to treat them like it will be the last time you will see them, because it might really be the last time.

Be Blessed!

God Used Me Today

Have you ever heard God speak to your spirit?

Today, while shoe shopping with my daughter, I heard Him speak to me. For some reason this lady was drawn to us, she always seemed to be on my aisle or in the same general area we were in. Now I'm not typically prone to talking to strangers while I'm on a shoe mission, but this time was different. We ended up talking a little bit about her twins and how beautiful I thought their names (Messiah and Brooklyn) were. She talked to my daughter and we even shared opinions on the shoes we were thinking of buying. Near the end, we just gradually drifted to other areas of the store but of course she ended up in line behind me. The line wasn't long but I had enough time to get out my $5 off coupon. For some reason I turn to her and ask if she has a coupon, she smiled and nodded "No". So I said, "let me get you one, because they just sent me another one today and I'm almost sure it will expire before I need to come in here to buy shoes again". She stood smiling while I made sure the extra coupon was valid and then I handed it to her. She smiled again, said thank you to me and then said "Thank you God!" She thanked me again before I left the store and even one more time in the parking lot when she realized she had parked next to me.

 I really didn't think much of it then but that coupon was good for another 45 days.  Normally, I'm really stingy with my coupons, but for some reason I came off this one with no concerns. The point to this story is, God uses us in so many ways. That $5 off coupon might not mean a lot to some but maybe for her it made the difference in whether or not she could  buy that second pair or shoes. I am so glad I listened when God spoke to me. The lady was clearly grateful to me but I should be grateful that He chose me to be a blessing to someone else.

I Remember Way Back When....

This past May, I went home to assist my mom after she had surgery. While there, I decided to clean, stop laughing, I really did. Anyway, she had a LOT of outdated frames so I decided to remove the 900 pictures she had in each frame, lol.( I have never understood why she chose to stack pictures versus removing them, but I digress.) My mom keeps EVERYTHING; from the very first ornament I made ( you know, the old cookie dough with your kindergarten picture in the middle) to my High School Diploma (yes, she had an official copy made). Moving on. As I was removing, or trying to remove, some of the photos, I came across some class pictures taken when I was in the 1st and 2nd grade. It was terrific to see the young faces so full of promise AND hope.

Tonight I decided to post the photos on Facebook and they were a big hit. Once the comments started coming in, I was amazed at how many people I couldn't remember, but there was always one person who could come up with a name for the not so clear face. We talked about how truly young we were and it started me to thinking about how times have changed. I know people say that all the time, but honestly it's true. See at the time those photos were taken, there was no cell phone for me to use, no Wii or Xbox to run home and play. There was no Facebook or Twitter to connect with friends, old and new. There was no worrying about if someone took an unflattering picture of me that it would end up online for the entire world to see (back in my youth, there wasn't even an internet, WOW, that's right I said it.) I can even remember when my grade school received their first Apple 2C computer (each school in the county had one and it was placed in the library for everyone to gawk at.) I could go on  but I think you get the picture.

People always say how easy kids today have it, but is it really that easy? As I was typing this, I realized we may have actually had it better than kids today. I REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN we didn't have to worry about cyber-bullying or not being able to afford the latest SmartPhone or even being accepted on Facebook by people we barely like. I REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN we didn't care about playing outside in the heat and getting dirty and sweaty in the process. I REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN we weren't too cute too eat mud-pies and play 1-2-3-redlight and hide-n-seek in the broad daylight for everyone to see. I REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN we weren't counting calories at 12 years old because we didn't want to gain weight. I REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN knew how to act our age because everyone on the block reminded us when we got sassy. Most importantly, I REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN we didn't have to worry about looking "suspicious" because we wore hooded sweatshirts or being gunned down because our music was too loud for the person in the next car .

Yep, we had it much easier than kids today. So the next time I feel the need to ridicule a young girl or boy for having it too "easy", I will try to REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN and be more understanding because times really have changed.

Like Tamera, I'm Free to Be Me

I watched Tia &Tamera's reality show tonight for the first time this season. On this particular episode, Tia confronts Tamera about losing herself in her role as wife and mother since she's had her son. Tia remembers when Tamera was loose, free, dressing her age and having fun, but Tamera has a totally different recollection of that time in her life. See what Tia  didn't know is Tamera was depressed, struggling to find happiness, and not herself at all. That realization stunned Tia but more importantly I think it set Tamera free. Tamera was free to tell her sister how just how different they were even though their roles were technically the same.

 Motherhood affects people in different ways. Tia worked hard to get her sexy back and why wouldn't she? At the time she was the sexy wife of an NFL player on a TV show that was at the top of it's game (no pun intended) but Tamera's projects didn't necessarily require that persona, so maybe she didn't feel the pressure to get back to pre-baby weight and wear the short skirts or whatever. Neither approach is wrong, it's about what feels comfortable for you. We get so caught up in what other's think, that we forget who we are, what we want, and what we need. To me that's when we really lose ourselves because we are putting up fronts.

 I understand how both women feel, I was never skinny, and due to my excessive "all-day" sickness, I weighed less than normal during my pregnancy, so no pressure for me. I also took the "I'm someone's mama now" approach so I wanted to be careful what I put out there. Again, it's all about comfort and what work's for you. Just because you love me and "think" I need to be a certain way doesn't mean it's what I think. It goes both ways, you are no less of a loving mom because  you like to get dressed up and go out once and a while. It's about knowing what works for you and your family atmosphere.  I love me and I embrace everything about me from the chick that likes designer handbags and funky clothes to the mama that has to put on sneakers to chase her kid around the park for an hour. To me, that's truly being free!

Writer's Block

When I committed to the @31WriteNow challenge, I had no idea how hard it would be to put my thoughts into words for 31 straight days. I mean, I'm the one who always has something to say and I really don't mind giving you my opinion (whether you want it or not isn't the issue, lol). Tonight however I find myself in unfamiliar territory, the land that is writer's block. There is so much going on in the world yet I can't find anything to say, constructive or otherwise. I think at this point, my friends are falling out of their seats in disbelief, LOL but it's true, tonight I have nothing.

 I have nothing to say about the little boy that jumped the line in front of my daughter today at the skate rink, with his rude self.

I have nothing to say about the e-coupon I downloaded today for a FREE box of Ultimate Hamburger Helper I was so excited about, but was nowhere to be found at the grocery store.

 I have nothing to say about the red hair dye I purchased last week that didn't turn my hair red AT ALL.

 I have nothing to say about the loooooong list of school supplies I have to purchase even though my property tax bill has a clear itemization for money deemed as "school tax".

 I have nothing to say about the promotion I know I deserve but have yet to receive.

Most importantly, I have nothing to say about my many sleepless nights trying to clear levels in Candy Crush, it's not like I have a job to go to, or a family to take care of or anything like that.

 So for those of you that took the time to visit my blog and read my posts, I can't thank you enough, but you caught me on a night when I really just have nothing to say. ;-)

Mississippi's New law: Collect Blood of Babies born to teen moms for DNA testing

I read an article on Mississippi's new teen mom law regarding a new law in Mississippi that requires hospitals to collect cord blood of babies born to teenage mothers for the purposes of establishing paternity. When I first read this, I had to stop and clear my eyes a bit, after all I do wear glasses so I have to be seeing things, right? Wrong! It's very true and very disturbing. According to the article, the law was designed to combat teenage pregnancy (they claim to have one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country) and more importantly statutory rape. The supporters of the law cite teen mom's unwillingness to name the father's in certain cases, especially if they are older, for fear the dad will be prosecuted. Opponents however say it's a violation of privacy and fear that teenage males may be unjustly prosecuted if they are proven to have fathered a child with an underage girl.

I have to admit, on it's face it's dead wrong, but if we look deeper, what's the real issue? Should we applaud the state of Mississippi for trying to get a handle on a teen pregnancy rate that's reportedly out of control, or should we be concerned more about the Civil Rights of the parties involved? I'm all for privacy, but if my daughter was impregnated by someone she refused to name, I might be inclined to question the circumstances myself.

Honestly, I'm straddling the fence on this one. Teen pregnancy is nothing new and young girls have long been victims of dirty old men seeking the virginity of adolescent females to satisfy their needs. While I agree that something has to be done; there are clearly too many gray areas. Safeguards have to be in place so that teenagers having "consensual" sex aren't criminalized in the same manner as a 30 year old man that likes having sex and impregnating young girls.  The law should focus more on stiffening the penalty for statutory rape versus victimizing the teen mom all over again to possibly prosecute a crime that may or may not have even occurred.

20/20 (A Poem)

I often try to do what’s right, no matter what the cost

It may mean losing a friend or two but really it’s not that big of a loss
Many times the road I choose may seem far off to some
But life for me has been a trial with more tests sure to come

I never sit and wait for things to fall in place for me
Perhaps that’s one of my downfalls, for what will be will be
Try not to look at me and sigh, and say “what’s up with her?
I’ve had somewhat of a really tough year, but to discuss, I wouldn’t prefer
Life’s ups and downs and in-betweens have forced my hand a bit
I now take time to think things through instead of having a fit

Moving on and pressing forward are necessary you see,
For no matter what you try to control, only God determines what will be
No time for drama, I’m a brand new me, accepting any challenges that come
Making room for lots of new things and marching to the beat of a new drum
My journey, I can tell, is far from done,  I’m learning more each day
I see things just a bit more clearly, so there’s not much more I can say
I’m living life and loving more, as time waits for no man
Please be patient, I’m still growing, but I’m doing the best that I can
Try not to worry, please don’t fret, I’m still the girl you knew
I am still just a little bit jaded, and to myself I must be true
 

 

 

 

 

NOT GUILTY, NOW WHAT?

Tonight, a huge disservice was done to the American people-George Zimmerman was found NOT GUILTY in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin. I, like most people, am shocked at the verdict. My shock however is outweighed by sadness, not just because Trayvon’s admitted killer is free, but because I feel this verdict sends the wrong message.  

A NOT GUILTY verdict implies it’s okay to be accosted because you don’t look like you belong or you fit the description of someone who committed a crime. This NOT GUILTY verdict implies it’s okay to shoot someone after you lose a fistfight (even if you were the aggressor); a NOT GUILTY verdict implies it’s okay to base your actions on preconceived notions, even if they are wrong. I’m not sure what the jurors were thinking but I hope the decision didn’t come easy. Right now I bet they are rethinking everything that occurred and wondering whether or not they made the right decision. I wonder if they are even aware of how controversial the trial had been. What I do know is they are now at home with their families and friends and no doubt dealing with all sorts of emotions. My heart goes out to them for I wouldn't want to be in their shoes right now.

The upcoming week will surely bring more media coverage, more outrage, and definitely more attention to race relations in America. My hope is that the outcome of this trial will spark more fruitful debates on gun control as well as race relations because at this point, Trayvon’s death is no longer about guilt or innocence but about tolerance and sensitivity.

My prayers go out to Trayvon’s family and friends. May God’s grace and mercy see you through these hard times and offer you comfort when only HIS love will do.

Paula Deen Isn't The Only One Needing A Change

I’m still sitting here trying to understand all of the outrage behind Paula Deen’s comments. Don’t get me wrong, I’m disappointed in her because I was truly a fan but the fact that so many Blacks are expressing their discontent amazes me. I'm not justifying her use of racial slurs or making other racist remarks.  Quite frankly I'm disgusted by the whole chain of events, however, I have more of an issue with the blatant double standard from the Black community versus hearing that a White woman from the deep South has uttered the word "Nigger" from her mouth either in the past or even yesterday.

For whatever reason, some Blacks think it’s okay to use the “N” word as it’s culturally revered as a “term of endearment”. Some of our most beloved rappers are really the guiltiest; throwing the word around like it’s some type of badge of honor.   I don’t know about you, but that’s not flattery to me.  I think it’s hypocritical for us to say that it’s okay for our youth to address each other with greetings like “What’s up my N^&&a” or “N^&&a please!” or “This N^&&a here” but get angry if a Non-Black person says it. What’s the deal with that? Who in their right mind would want to be addressed that way?

 I do not understand how a word that holds such a historical semblance of hatred, now holds such cultural significance in our community today. Honestly, the word holds no power over me personally because I know who I am and from whence I came. However, I find it hard to believe my ancestors were marching so we could have the freedom to vote, the freedom to eat where we chose, also wanted us to have the freedom to refer to each other with the same racial epitaph that was once used to justify Jim Crow.

While most people that use this reference really mean no harm, it’s actually doing more harm than we know. See when we run around town referring to one another as Niggas, Bitches and Hoes, we are unknowingly giving everyone around us permission to do the same. I can’t stand the word, I don’t care who uses it. It’s degrading, derogatory and offensive yet we only find harm in it when someone of another race says it. How stupid is that? Better yet, how stupid are we?

Discontentment

Have you ever had so much on your mind that you just couldn't seem to close your eyes for a good night's sleep? Lately that's me.  I've been through a lot this past year and I think it's finally starting to take it's toll on me. Typically I try not to let things worry me but the older I get, the more I have to lose. I know that may sound crazy to some but lately I feel like I'm going down instead of up. It's really hard to put into words but my mind is all boggled down.  I think I spend too much time comparing my life and accomplishments to those of my friends. HUGE mistake!!!

 I know things aren't  always what they seem yet I don't think I'm envious of them, I'm  just frustrated with me. The word "discontent" comes to mind. I'm not unhappy but something is missing. I have this longing, this need;  I need to feel satisfied, I need to feel complete, I need to feed this hunger inside, I need to keep writing.