Breast Cancer Awareness - These "Girls Ain't Loyal

As a breast cancer survivor, the month of October holds a special significance, it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month and it's also the month I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer in 2010. It was a very difficult time in my life. When I was diagnosed, I couldn't imagine how I would live life without my two best friends. That's when I decided I would do whatever it took to save them.

I remember as a little girl, getting "boobies" was all I thought about. Once I got them, they would become a huge part of my identity. I went above and beyond to accentuate "the girls". So imagine how I felt when I realized they were trying to kill me. The one part of my physique that never received criticism, the one part of my body that always made me feel good about myself, were now betraying me in the worst way.  I was over feeling sorry for myself, I was MAD.

As I underwent a lumpectomy and then radiation treatments, I kept trying to understand how things once so beloved were now causing me such distress. For 26 weeks, I went in for treatment and had conversations with other patients while waiting. There were a lot of first timers but there were also a lot of repeat patients. I didn't mind being the former but I had problem thinking of myself as the latter.  That's when I had to get real with myself and ask "why was I so stressed?"  I didn't have to have a mastectomy but I'm so glad that I was able to get real with myself just in case.

The point is, when we receive traumatic news, it's easy to feel sorry for ourselves or breakdown and cry to God "why me?"  but what we should really ask is "If it has to be me, how do I move forward?" The reality hit me like a ton of bricks.   Just like the song says "..these girls ain't loyal..", so why was I trying to hold on to them when they were literally trying to wipe me out. They were merely a part of my body that, if necessary, I really could live without. That's the key, I wanted to LIVE and if that meant removing the girls completely from my life, I was ready. This experience gave me a whole new perspective on my life and I'm so glad I was able to see the real me, for once.