Thought of the Day: Should we care that he loves her?

Why is it that when a man tells his woman he's been cheating on her she immediately wants to know two things: How long? and Does he love her? Should you really care if he loves the other woman or not? Does his admission of love make the act any less hurtful? Does it ease your pain? I wouldn't think so. While the question may be a natural reaction, I'm not sure that I care if you love this other chick or not.

Women make it too easy for men to recover from such transgressions by denying (whether truthfully or not) their love for the other woman. Once a man says "I don't love her, I love you", women fall right back into their arms. On the other hand, if he says "yes, I love her", women immediately want to know why and proceed to try to "fix" themselves to seek acceptance from the cheater. Here's a note: when a man cheats on you, the problem may very well be within him and not you.

We as women should love ourselves enough to know that no matter what we have going for us and what we provide, if he wants to cheat he will. No explanation necessary. If a real problem between you exists, decide if the relationship is actually worth saving and make moves accordingly. But please don't justify his actions by finding fault with yourself. You will spend the rest of your life in constant repair mode possibly to no avail.

Teacher cuts a girl's hair out of frustration: I don't think so!!!

I read Essence.com daily and I was appalled to read a story regarding Lamya Cammon a student at Congress Elementary School in Milwaukee. The story is about her teacher becoming frustrated with Lamya's constant twirling of her hair (which was braided with beads on the end). To sum it up, the teacher claims she asked the child to stop playing with her hair on several occasions and even held her back from recess due to this classroom "distraction". The teacher admits that after she told the child several times to stop, she called her up to the front of the class, pulled out the scissors and cut this child's braid off. Lamya was obviously upset and embarrassed (of course the other children laughed) so she went back to her seat in tears. Her mother was in disbelief and so am I. What is wrong with the teachers in our schools these days? As a parent, I'm angry for several reasons:

1. The teacher, in my opinion, posed a threat to the child by approaching her with scissors
2. The teacher actually told the mother that "if the child continued she would do it again". I'm not making this up http://www.essence.com/news/breaking_news/seven_year-olds_mother_speaks_out_about.php
3. The teacher only received a fine of $175 for disorderly conduct
4. The school system hasn't issues any type of disciplinary action to the teacher. Actually the child was punished by being placed into another classroom where she doesn't know anyone.

While I know this child's actions may have been distracting, was this really the appropriate behavior modification we expect from our educators? I wouldn't think so. This is a clear example of the emotional abuse young girls experience everyday. Yes children are resilient but it really makes me mad this happened in the first place.

Tiger's women: Home wreckers anonymous!

How many more women have to come forth with their allegations of affairs with Tiger Woods before we say enough is enough? It's obvious that these women are after some sort of financial gain. Why else would they even speak about their "relationships" with this married man.

Most of the negativity is being placed on Tiger's doorsteps because he's the public figure, but shouldn't these women suffer some sort of ridicule as well? Why does society put so much stock in the testimonies of these home wreckers? Shouldn't we turn our backs on them and say keep your trashiness to yourself ladies, we're not interested? Instead, we rush out to read the latest blog (thank you by the way) or to pick up the latest gossip rag which adds to their ill-gotten gain.

We know these chicks have been paid very well for their stories but I still feel sorry for them. They are really sad and desperate individuals, how else can we explain their behavior. Unlike some mistresses, these females knew this man was married with a family (& money) but they chose to have sexual relations with him anyway. Really, how low is their self-esteem. Well if they didn't know before they will soon because in a few months the story will die down, Tiger will go on with life (assuming his wife stays with him of course), Elin will still have all of the financial perks, but these women will forever be known as the one time mistress of Tiger Woods. That's it. What then? Nothing and that's exactly what they deserve. Then again, maybe they can start a club something like home-wreckers anonymous-where one time mistresses meet to discuss the culmination of their trifling ways.

Adam Lambert: The man of the hour

So Adam Lambert has caused yet another "controversy" on ABC with his sexually explicit performance on the AMA's earlier this week but why? Lambert has stated in several interviews that he feels it's a double standard and sited the many instances where female performers have done similar things in their televised shows and nothing was said or done as a reprimand. Let's not mention the millions of performances where male singers are groping and kissing the female fans and dancers on stage and no one says a thing.

I know everyone remembers Madonna tongue kissing Britney Spears at an award show several years and while it sparked some controversy, it's nothing like the backlash for Adam Lambert. So is there a double-standard for gay and straight entertainers? I think so. Madonna made no apologies and Adam shouldn't either. He has been very outspoken about his lifestyle and seems very comfortable in his skin. I'm amazed that in 2009, major TV networks still appear to be more conservative than their viewing audience. Sure, they received phone calls and emails but how many really? I mean come on, I saw the performance and while I was shocked I was far from offended. There are far worse things on TV that I need to complain about and Adam Lambert kissing a boy on stage isn't one of them. I feel he is being condemned for being a Gay man, period and it isn't fair. While I may not agree with his lifestyle, he has a right to his choices.

This is why some people shouldn't be allowed to reproduce

The story of 5 year Shaniya Davis just proves my point on why some people aren't fit to raise an ant farm let alone a child. While I will not go into details for fear of becoming physically ill, 25 year old Antoinette Davis reported her 5 year old daughter missing amidst reports that she allegedly prostituted her daughter out for money. The beautiful little girl's body was found today in Fayetteville, NC. I don't know what makes me more sick, Davis selling her daughter for sex or someone actually paying for sex with a 5 year old when you have women that sell their bodies willingly.

I am a true believer that some women are just simply unfit to have children. If you know you are one of those people, do the world a favor, either keep your legs closed or learn how to use a condom. How many more examples of the supremely unfit do we need? Susan Smith, Andrea Yates, this Antoinette Davis b****. I mean really? I know we can't take them all out and shoot them in the streets ( although I don't see why not), but you can't tell me that the people around these females ( I won't dare give them the respect of being called a woman) couldn't see the signs. And people ask me why I'm in favor of the death penalty. Do I need to say more?

Is Chris Brown the only one at fault??

I told myself I wouldn't address the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation but I lied. Everyone is talking and voicing their opinion so here's mine. First let me say that I in no way condone domestic violence on a female or male. So with that being said, I would like to know how much responsibility does the victim need to take? I'm sure it's easy to say Rihanna is in no way responsible for what happened but is that really true. If I'm understanding her verbiage correctly, this wasn't the first time their verbal altercations turned physical. So why stay in this relationship? Love is one thing but stupidity is another.

Everyone makes mistakes and their celebrity in no way erases that fact. While most of the blame should fall on Chris Brown (especially since he witnessed this type of behavior in his own home as a child), shouldn't Rihanna accept some of the blame as well? We have all heard the stories of women being beaten to death by their partner only to find out this wasn't the first time the violence happened. At what point can we say, enough is enough and the get the hell out of there.

Again, it's probably easy for me to say this from the outside looking in (thank God for that) but I wonder how hard is it to leave an abusive partner, especially with no children involved. Don't we owe it to ourselves to put our safety first. If he hits you once, statistics say the chances are very high that he will hit you again. The ending rarely changes and that's the sad part. Is Chris Brown at fault? Sure he is. Has he really changed? Who knows, only time will tell. A man should never hit a women, but a woman shouldn't stay around long enough to see him make a change.

H1N1 virus hasn't improved personal hygiene!!ugh

Just another example of why people make me sick, literally. The H1N1 virus is real and people are dying. So please tell me why some of my co-workers insist of leaving the restroom without washing their hands. By my account, this building is probably swarming with all types of bacteria and viral infections simply because people don't bother with personal hygiene. I just don't understand it. Please be nasty on your own time, don't force your poor habits on others. PLEASE PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS...someones life may depend on it. Okay the rant is over and I'm done with this one for now. :)

No female attire for Morehouse Men and I'm glad

So Morehouse College has officially told their all male student population that you are required to dress like a man while on school grounds or functions sponsored or in association with the institution. What's the problem with that? Shouldn't men want to dress like men? Why all the controversy? Some say it's discrimination of gay people and shouldn't be tolerated. That's a bunch of bull. Being a gay male does not equal dressing like a female (i.e. dresses, skirts, purses, high-heeled shoes, etc. ). This is ridiculous. In my opinion, this policy in no way invades a person's right to a certain lifestyle(who you sleep with is your business), but yet holds you to tradition of being positive role models and carrying yourself like a man should. I'm sorry a man in a dress and high heels is not my idea of what I would expect in any man, and especially not a Morehouse man.

Morehouse college has a rich tradition of teaching men(not just African-American) how to carry themselves and to be productive members of society. Sure some may fall through the cracks, but for the most part being a Morehouse Man is something special and has been for years. This schools has a "right" to uphold those standards they hold dear and deem necessary for success. Apparently men dressing like women while on campus isn't one of them nor should it be.

HouseHusbands of Hollywood

While I try to stay as far away as possible from "reality" shows, I do tend to find one or two that catch my attention from time to time. My newest reality vice this year has been Fox Reality Channel's "Househusbands of Hollywood". The premise of the show is to basically follow the day to day lives of husbands/significant others where the female is the primary bread winner. The show features:

• Billy - former professional Baseball player with the Dodgers and husband to a Hollywood make-up artist and father of two beautiful girls.
• Danny - newlywed, aspiring actor, now supported by his wife whose an Attorney (who works too much) and father to 2 Pugs.
• Charlie - Actor, whose wife is a psychologist is a father of one and a has served time in prison (He's also a friend of Ryan O'Neal).
• Grant - Former marine/actor whose the husband of a LA TV Personality and dad to Ruby.
• Darryl - Actor best known for his role as Ron on "A Different World" and partner of 16 years of Tempest Bledsoe(Vanessa Huxtable-"The Cosby Show").

There are several reasons why I like this show but the most important one is the relationship that is shown within their families as well as one another. I'm sure it's not easy to be known as a Mr. Mom, but in reality most of these men are just that. They take care of their households, support their partners, and still manage to carve out time to bond and support one another. This show gave me a different perspective on men that stay at home and how the family dynamic is affected. I'm not sure my husband could handle staying at home full time with our daughter while I work. (I'm honestly not sure how I would handle it either). The show has a lot to offer and grows on me more and more each week. Check it out on Fox Reality Channel, Saturday nights at 10:00 pm.

Philadelphia planning to close all public libraries Oct. 2

I thought I was hearing things on Tuesday when I heard a news report stating the city of Philadelphia was closing all public libraries. As I continued to search online newspapers, I found that the story was indeed true. I cannot believe this. As an avid reader and lover of books, I was outraged. I was even more outraged to learn that this wasn't necessarily due to lack of funds but rather the failure of the State Legislature to pass a budget. OMG..are you kidding? This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time and I've heard some pretty stupid things in my life.

The Public Library isn't only a place where any citizen can check out a book for free, or read a magazine, they serve a more important role in the community than some people realize. Here is a list of some of the services a public library offers:

• Access to computers for children that may not have access to one at home
• Computer classes
• After school programs
• Various programs for adults
• Story Time for young kids

Public libraries are vital to the development of our young people. In a nation where our educational system is already lacking from that of foreign lands, how can any government entity think this is reasonable solution to solving a budget crisis. I'm truly aware the economy is in a rough state at this time. That's why it's more important than ever for these institutions to remain available as a community resource. Maybe the city of Philadelphia should cut some of those high salaries in your government starting at the top and have few fundraisers, be creative. The future of our nation could depend on it.

Finally, a President who cares; so why all the controversy?

I watched the President Obama's speak to young America yesterday and I'm trying to wonder why was there so much controversy surrounding the speech. I know that racism exists in this country and probably always will as long as idiots exist, but how long must the political ignorance continue. I know there are many who don't agree with his politics and that's their right. But are people really so stupid as to think he would push a political agenda through our children. I was almost ashamed of some of the people interviewed in Georgia. I heard everything from "He's pushing a socialist agenda" to "He's a communist", to "I don't want my children to be forced to hear about health care reform". What child cares about going to the doctor or how he gets paid. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Should American children aka the leaders of tomorrow really be forced to suffer at the hands of stupid and ignorant parents? Please don't get me wrong, as a parent, I understand the need, want, and the right to protect our children but not allowing them to hear from the current leader of the country on any topic is ridiculous.

America is a wonderful place that allows us the freedom to disagree with our government and make our voices heard, but at what cost. Let's be honest, our educational system needs lots of improvements. Some school systems in the state of Georgia only have a graduation rate of 50%, that's crazy. I love that we have a leader who takes the current education crisis seriously and feels the urgency in preparing our children to enter the real world someday. Why is the city of Atlanta forced to impose a curfew during school hours for children between the ages 6-17 just to deter crime? Shouldn't parents know where their children are during the day anyway? I know kids will be kids and you can't control their every move but what ever happened to setting expectations? My mother never expected me to be a genius but she let me know that quitting wasn't an option. As a single parent, she worked a lot to support us but that was never an excuse. If she couldn't help me with my homework, my aunt who was only 10 years older than me would. Though she couldn't volunteer at the school like some parents, or attend PTA meetings, she was always involved. Isn't that what parents are supposed to do?

Our children deserve to know someone cares and believes in them. If more parents took responsibility and showed more interest in their children's education, a pep talk from the President wouldn't even be necessary. Unfortunately, some children don't have the benefit of parents with sense, so if the President has to be the one to say it, hey I'm all for it.

Gone too soon..

The very first friend I made when I moved to Georgia passed away this weekend. She was a sweet girl and very kind. She opened her home and heart to me when she barely knew me. I was a friend of her cousin, but she quickly became my friend as well.

Over the years, life took over and I lost touch not only with my friend but with her cousin as well. I'm not sure why, but I'm sure it was my fault. When I heard of her passing today, I immediately began to cry. Of course I was sad that she was gone and that her life ended so soon. But I was also sad because I had taken her friendship and kindness for granted and I'm not sure I ever thanked her. She never asked for anything in return and always greeted me with a smile and a kind word. To say she is gone to soon can't even describe what I'm feeling right now and who am I anyway to determine anyone's time. I'm sure it was her time but I always ask "why?"

I offer my condolensces to her family and friends for only they know how special she truly was. I often hear that people are in your life for a reason and a season and most of the time, I can say AMEN to that. This time I'm afraid the season came and went too soon for me and I will never get a chance to thank her for taking me into her home and embracing me the way she did. Though I didn't know her long or maybe as well as most, I will always have fond memories of her. I will miss you C.J. RIP.

What was the "mystery" behind Steve McNair's death??

Last night, Dateline NBC aired their much anticipated story of Steve McNair titled The Mysterious Death of a Titan. I’m not sure what was so “mysterious” about his death, but anyway. The story documented his rise to fame from Mt. Olive Mississippi to leading the Tennessee Titans to the 2000 Superbowl and then ultimately his untimely death at the hands of his mistress of 6 months Sahel(Jenny) Kazemi. This story has received lots of publicity in the past months but I still find the story fascinating and almost shocking to some degree. I say shocked because, it appears that this man led an entirely separate life from his wife and children presumably in the public eye.

Dateline interviewed the former roommate/best friend of Kazemi who gave a first hand account of the relationship between the two and basically described the relationship as normal and loving. Eddie George,friend and former teammate of Steve McNair talked about Steve the athlete , philanthropist and friend. The McNair family minister spoke of Steve’s plight as a person in the public eye struggling with his family obligations and his personal vices (i.e. his affairs with women). Each of these people knew a different side of Steve but no on knew his callous actions would lead to a traumatic ending on July 4th, 2009.

In addition to friends and family, Dateline also interviewed Brenda L. Thomas, former personal assistant to NBA player Stephon Marbury and author of three best sellers including Every Woman’s Got a Secret. Ms. Thomas offered insight into these “types” of relationships based on her experience in the business. She suggested that the downfall of the relationship was due to neither party playing by the rules. The rules being: Steve didn’t set the appropriate boundaries and Jenny didn’t understand that Steve would never leave his wife for her. This was very interesting to me.

Are there really rules for cheating men and their mistresses? Is the woman on the side supposed to assume that she will never get the man? Should the man make sure the rules are set before getting involved in an extramarital affair? I’m not sure, but to me, it would be easier to stay at home (a lot safer at least). Did Kazemi’s age play a part in her dream of a fairy tale ending? I guess in a way, Ms. Thomas was correct because if McNair and Kazemi observed these “rules” from the beginning, they both would be alive today, maybe.

Why are people still hating on Tyler Perry??

According to ajc.com, Tyler Perry has issued a statement via Facebook and Twitter regarding fraudulent ad's for extras listed (the ad wanted to charge potential extras a $29.95 fee to join a casting club) on Craigslist:

“It’s a lie, don’t fall for it,” writes Perry to fans. “These folks are trying
to rip you off. I hate for people to prey on people’s dreams and hopes. Why
don’t people get a job and stop trying to steal folks’ hard-earned money.”

Perry goes further to indicate that he will seek legal action to stop the dream thieves. Now I applaud Mr. Perry for taking a stand against those attempting to profit from his name. Further, I think it's sad, that in these hard economic times, you have people out there trying to make money off of people who may have nothing but a dream of being discovered. These people should be ashamed and prosecuted to the highest extent of the the law. However, some people aren't as enthusiastic as I. Some posters on the ajc.com blog are accusing Tyler Perry of using this scam as a publicity stunt. Other's state that he treats his extras poorly when they are on set (I'm not sure what this had to do with the actual article..).

So my question is: Why do so many people still hate on Tyler Perry?? Is it because he is a successful Black man proving the reality of the American Dream? Or is it because of plain old fashioned jealousy?

While his TV shows may not appeal to the masses, it’s no denying that this man has Hollywood’s attention. He’s setting box office records for opening weekends, making full feature movies in half the time of major studios, setting records in TV broadcasting with two top-rated TV shows on the TBS cable network. Not to mention, he is creating jobs and opportunities, in addition to inventing a new reality for our youth. How many people can say that?

They're dead, now what???

It seems like every time I turn on the news or surf the net, I'm always hearing about a murder suicide or someone killing a person because that person no longer wanted to be with them. Someone found out their spouse was cheating and killed the husband and then turned the gun on himself. I guess the most recent instance is the murder-suicide of Steve McNair and his crazy jump-off. I have to wonder, is it really that serious? Was it that good? You never really know what makes another person tick, but wow I bet he never thought "this chick is crazy enough to kill me and her". I wouldn't think that. What makes a person so obsessed with another that they feel they have to harm them or worse kill them, so that no one else can have them? And doesn't killing yourself after the fact defeat the purpose? If he/she is dead, there is absolutely no chance they will come back to you and if you're dead, what was the point?

Don't get me wrong, I have loved someone before that didn't love me the same, but I never once thought of killing him and then killing myself. That is so crazy. I mean, I am no stranger to lost love or a broken heart but I don't understand how killing the person solves anything. In the end, they are gone, you are locked up (if the suicide attempt didn't work) and everyone around you suffered for your stupidity. Nothing or no one should make you compromise yourself or your common sense. The next time you want to run someone over because they pissed you off, think about this-"If they die, was my brief moment of rage really worth 15-20+?" I'm just saying, the price for stupidity is often high, can you really afford it? Why do you want someone that doesn't want you anyway, look for purpose and love elsewhere.

God Bless The Child

I was going to write about something else tonight, but after watching Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA) I changed my mind. Anyone who watches the show knows Sheree’ recently went through a divorce, losing her home, etc. During one of the segments, she mentioned that even with a court order her ex-husband wasn’t paying child support and he didn’t make the mortgage payments on the one they once shared so she was forced to move. As she was putting her kids to bed, she said one thing that made me think better of her; she stated that her ex-husband has never really had a relationship with his kids. Now, it wasn’t so much what she said but how she said it that struck a nerve.

In the first season of RHOA, Sheree’ was not the most likable person, basically I thought she was down right arrogant and intolerable, but the sadness in her voice tonight when she made that statement broke my heart. I realized, that most of us women (not the crazy ones) want our kids to have strong relationships with their father, no matter what happened or didn’t happen between the parents themselves. Let’s face it, the relationship a child has with their parents is crucial, and when one parent decides to walk away only the child suffers. The damage could be irreparable. It’s no surprise that young women are experiencing low self esteem and allowing their bodies to be used by any man who gives them attention or why young men abuse women both emotionally and physically. What example do they have? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying a woman can’t do it on her own (my mother did a wonderful job I think), but make no mistake, I came from a very close family and my grandfather was the best example of a man anyone could choose to place in their child’s life and I am eternally grateful. Sheree’ is strong and she proved it tonight by moving on with her life and making sure her kids are loved, so she will be fine.

Whether or not we “chose” to become parents is not the issue, our role is the same. We have a responsibility to our children to give them the best chance possible. This means putting the bickering aside and doing what’s best for the child—at any cost. Men, understand there is never a good time to walk away from your child. You could be missing out on the best experience of your life. Women, it doesn’t matter that this man may not want you, don’t make the child pay the price. Children are a gift from God and we should be proud of the roles we’ve been chosen to fulfill.

Michael Vick was released from prison but is he Free?

Yesterday, NFL commissioner Robert Goodell “conditionally” reinstated former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick to the NFL. However, although Mike can participate in spring training and play in the final 2 games of the Pre-Season, he still has to sit out for the first 5 games of regular season, and this is all assuming he is picked up by a team before the season begins. The question that everyone seems to have is “Is this fair?” My answer is “NO”. As a football fan and a human being, I am outraged at the superior attitude Mr. Goodell has decided to take. I am not condoning the actions of Michael Vick but what he did was wrong and he should have been punished and punished he was. The justice system punished him in accordance with the Federal Law and his sentence has been completed. I cannot and will not say this is an issue of race, but I will say it is appalling that the NFL commissioner has decided to bow to the pressure from PETA and other animal rights activists when justice has been served. When will his punishment end? The final word belongs to the Creator since the legal system has taken their appropriate action and the judgment should be his alone.
I wish Michael Vick luck, from what I can tell so far, he will need it.

Mind your business!!!

It just amazes me that in 2009, people are talking about interracial relationships as if it’s news. People have been dating outside of their race for years so what’s the problem. Why do I care who you date, it’s not my business. I couldn’t care less. If a friend tells me she has a new man, my first question isn’t “is he Black or White?”..it’s more like, “Is he nice?”, “Where did you meet?”, or “Are you happy?”. Why do I care if he doesn’t look like her? If she likes it, I love it. As long as he keeps his hands to himself, it’s all good. I’m not just speaking on this subject because I myself am in an interracial marriage, but because people always find new ways to get on my nerves. Love is colorblind or at least it should be. Wherever you find the love of your life, or your love of the moment, is up to you. Make yourself happy, period...I have one thing to say to people have comments about those who chose to venture outside of their race…Mind your business!