Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL........

Wow, this holiday season has been full of ups and downs. On the one hand I'm happy that I was able to spend time with my family and on the other, I'm missing those who have passed on. Either way, I'm truly thankful for the many gifts I've received this year from God. I'm not talking about presents, I mean "true gifts". These gifts are things that have no monetary value but they hold sentimental value. I have been so blessed to spend another year holding my daughter, being able to talk to my mom, texting with my brother, playing Words with Friends with my bestie, or just watching my husband smile at our child when he thinks I'm not looking.

These are the things you can't put a price tag on; the things that REALLY matter in life. To me, that's what the Christmas holiday is all about; sharing, living, laughing, appreciating, and giving. I have been blessed and I pray that you have been blessed as well. Take time today to reflect on the day's events and really just say Thank You Jesus, it's because of you I'm able to ______. He knows your needs and your desires, so just thank Him in advance. I promise you, when He answers, that gift will be like no other.

.......AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT

Longing to Live on Purpose

I attended the memorial service for my friend yesterday and I must say it was beautiful. Stories were shared as well as laughter and tears. I think the most touching part was when the video tribute was played and she actually was able to speak long enough to thank God for blessing her abundantly and personally thanking her friends for always checking on her. Needless to say there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

Afterwards, the minister couldn't say a lot because, as he put it, "she basically gave her own eulogy". So instead of the traditional eulogy, the minister asked us to think about the impact she had on our lives and asked one question: "What will you do with what she gave you?" Now that was powerful. He cited all of the wonderful things people had to say about her from her jovial spirit to her love for God. He reminded us, that all of our days were numbered and death was surely certain, so what will we do with the time in between birth and death.

 I admit, I thought about that very question all night. I remembered looking around the sanctuary at all of the friends she made and the lives she touched. I looked at the people celebrating her life yet mourning the fact that we will no longer see her smiling face or hear her laughter that could fill the largest of rooms. I thought to myself, I want to live life to the fullest. I want to change lives and live ON PURPOSE. Basically, I wanted to live like my friend. Through every illness she suffered, and there were many, she greeted every battle with strength and courage. She never let her pain define her; she was the true definition of a survivor. She purposefully touched the lives of adults and children alike, leaving a legacy that is surely slated to please the Lord for as long as we are on this Earth.

As for me, I want to leave this life knowing I did what God required of me and most importantly I want my friends and family to know that I loved them with all my might. I will truly miss her shining light and her thoughtfulness. I know she wouldn't want the tears so I shed my last tear last night and took comfort in knowing she heard the words she longed to hear "Well done my good and faithful servant, well done".

God's Love is No Ordinary Love

Have you ever been through so much that you find yourself asking "Lord, why me?" everyday. I used to be there. I used to wonder why someone who tried so hard to be good to people always seemed to end up on the wrong side of things. I'm not saying I'm perfect (I'm far from it), but I don't intentionally set out to do people harm, yet I felt someone was always after me. The Devil was busy.

 This past year has really been a test of faith for me. Personally I've experienced some things that I never thought I would, but I'm still here. My friend explained to me, that God chooses his most faithful, so they can pass the test and tell the story. Isn't that what being a Christian is all about? We can't truly have a testimony without a "test" can we? Of course not! It's easy to praise God when things are going good, but it takes TRUE FAITH, to praise Him in your circumstance.

I had to learn that dealing with God (or Him dealing with me) is truly different than dealing with man. Man will have you believe bad things happen to good people, but God's word tells you that He takes His relationship with us personally. When we lose our way and begin to focus on the world instead of staying close to Him, He becomes jealous and rightly so. I guess this is what the old folks meant when I used to hear them say God is vain. I admit, I used to think that was so disrespectful to speak of God that way but as I grew closer to Him, I started to understand what that truly meant. He does so much for us, He blesses us with life, love, happiness, good jobs, beautiful families, yet we don't have time to say hi or hello until something goes wrong. Even still, He loves us, no matter what the hour, now matter what we've done.  If we ask for forgiveness, He's there. I'm in awe of Him daily.  He wants us to understand how much He loves us, after all He sent His Son to die for us so that we may be free; Isn't that the ultimate love? Who else loves you like that?

Daddy Dear

I finally watched an episode of Braxton Family Values the other night and quite honestly I got more than I bargained for. While I typically shy away from a lot of reality TV, this was by far the best one I’ve seen yet. This particular episode focused on the siblings getting together in their hometown to have a family meal with their father. Though I don’t know the details of their relationship, I was drawn to keep watching as the sisters’ anticipation grew. In all, these successful, beautiful, independent and GROWN women were excited about spending time with their “daddy”. Despite the fact that I don’t have that type of connection with my biological father, it was heartwarming to see the vulnerability in those women.

As the sisters, their mother, and their one brother sat down to the meal, various topics were discussed from Toni’s decision on posing for Playboy to the shift in the family dynamic over the years but as time went on, I noticed that “daddy” hadn’t shown up yet and I wasn’t alone. 30 minutes passed, then 1 hour and so on. After several attempts to contact him, to no avail, the siblings realize it’s not going to happen and they head back to the airport and to their own lives obviously devastated and heartbroken. As they wait to depart it appears I’m no longer watching the successful Braxton sisters, I’m now watching the heartbroken little girls crying, being consoled by their ever present mom and one another and I was hurt.

This scene was so profound because it speaks volumes to the importance of Fathers in our lives. See, it doesn’t matter, how successful you are, how much money you have or even how old you are, every little girl desires their father’s love, attention, and acceptance. Their heartbreak at the age of 40 is no different than the one experienced by the little girl of 5 or even 10 years old when she realizes Daddy isn’t coming today. Parents, especially fathers, need to be more conscious of the effects their actions have on their daughters. The absence of the father in a young girl’s life shapes her opinion of men as she enters into adulthood and ultimately plays a role in her social development and self esteem. While these ladies are all grown up with families of their own, the presence of their father could further validate their inner strength thus strengthening the entire extended family as well.

Online dating still scares me!

I recently saw a commercial from Match.com which astounded me. According to their research, 1 out of every 5 relationships were started through online dating-wow really??? I was amazed at this number as it really seems high (yes even at 20%) and if this is the case, is something wrong with our society.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against online dating whatsoever for those who choose this path, I'm just wondering about the validity of the statistic itself. Since I have no real way of validating the data I guess my biggest question is what is the appeal of online dating? While I have friends who have had successful online relationships, some even leading to marriage, I am still a bit leery or maybe I'm just a bit old school. Here are my top 3 reasons why online dating wouldn't work for me:

1. Looks aren't everything but I'm very visual in other aspects. I like to see how you carry yourself, how you dress, how you walk, your swagger, etc. Many of the things that make a man attractive to me can only be demonstrated in person.
2. Stalkers are a reality and while not everyone you meet online has the potential to be crazy and deranged, you can rest assured the only way to really tell when someone is a nut is to meet them in person.
3. Pictures are only worth a thousand words if they are recent. Again, looks aren't everything but I want to get to know the real you, not some made up persona. While I may like everything you say in IM or email and we may really jive, if you no longer look like the picture you posted in your profile, in my opinion, you have already started the relationship off with deception and I'm no longer interested.

I understand times have changed, the online dating nightmares I hear about are enough to scare me. So for those of you who have met and/or fell in love with someone online and have successful relationships, what was it that sent you down that avenue in the first place? Would you recommend online dating to your friends? This is just my opinion but it's my site right..LOL.

Time to let go of the "old stuff"

I posted something similar to this on my facebook wall last week but I thought it warranted a second post so here goes.

Everyone holds on to "old stuff", including me, but I'm trying to train myself so this is how this post came about. I think it's important to realize that everything that happens to us does so for a reason. While we may not understand it at the time, the reason tends to reveal itself at some later point in our lives.

So, we have to let go of the "old stuff" since holding on does us no good anyway. How many new relationships will we ruin by holding on to past experiences. We have to let it go, not for the other person, but for ourselves. Whatever the person did to break your heart or negatively affect your self-esteem, LET IT GO. We shouldn't let others steal our joy. Bitter hearts block blessings, so heal yourself today and let whatever it is go.

A woman scorned

By now most of you have probably heard about the "jilted" lover's billboard revenge. If not, I will summarize it the best that I can. YaVaughnie Wilkins had a long term affair with Oracle software President (and member of President Obama's Economic Advisory board) Charles Phillips which apparantly didn't end on good terms. So in the ultimate act of revenge, YaVaughnie decides to out her former lover by purchasing billboards in 3 major cities, including Atlanta and New York, of her and "her" man while they were together. She went further to create a website which has since been shut down. I won't go into further details, the story can be viewed in it's entirety on the NY Daily news website.

It's no secret that a woman scorned can be your worst enemy, but was this really necessary? What did this woman really expect out of this? While she may have sought the ultimate revenge on this man for whatever reason, did she forget that she was a part of this seedy relationship as well? True she got back at him and publicly humiliated him and his entire family, but what does this say about her? While he may be a dog, what does that really make her? She just publicly admitted to knowingly having an affair with a married man, UGH.

First, let me say this, I have done some stupid things in my life and made some very bad choices and most were emotional. Now, here's my two cents: As women, we need to be careful how we carry ourselves. Our choices and behavior carry a lot weight and ultimately speak to our true character. We should think before we act. If someone makes you angry, our first defense is to retaliate, it's normal and human nature. But, we need to ask ourselves some questions first:

1. Is this really worth it?
2. What was my part in this situation?
3. Can I go to jail for my actions?
4. When this is over, will I still be able to look myself in the mirror and know I would do things the same way again if I had to?
5. Could my actions possibly jeopardize my future?

If you don't like the answer to these questions, DON'T DO IT!! It really is that simple. I know it's 2010, but we are still held to different standards from men. Sure some women will praise her for her antics but I'm not one of them. This stuff may be cute when you're young but now as an adult. She's over 40 and should know better. These things always turn out the same way: He will go on to bigger and better things and she will only be known as the woman who slept with a dog and told everyone about it.

Thought of the Day: Should we care that he loves her?

Why is it that when a man tells his woman he's been cheating on her she immediately wants to know two things: How long? and Does he love her? Should you really care if he loves the other woman or not? Does his admission of love make the act any less hurtful? Does it ease your pain? I wouldn't think so. While the question may be a natural reaction, I'm not sure that I care if you love this other chick or not.

Women make it too easy for men to recover from such transgressions by denying (whether truthfully or not) their love for the other woman. Once a man says "I don't love her, I love you", women fall right back into their arms. On the other hand, if he says "yes, I love her", women immediately want to know why and proceed to try to "fix" themselves to seek acceptance from the cheater. Here's a note: when a man cheats on you, the problem may very well be within him and not you.

We as women should love ourselves enough to know that no matter what we have going for us and what we provide, if he wants to cheat he will. No explanation necessary. If a real problem between you exists, decide if the relationship is actually worth saving and make moves accordingly. But please don't justify his actions by finding fault with yourself. You will spend the rest of your life in constant repair mode possibly to no avail.

Tiger's women: Home wreckers anonymous!

How many more women have to come forth with their allegations of affairs with Tiger Woods before we say enough is enough? It's obvious that these women are after some sort of financial gain. Why else would they even speak about their "relationships" with this married man.

Most of the negativity is being placed on Tiger's doorsteps because he's the public figure, but shouldn't these women suffer some sort of ridicule as well? Why does society put so much stock in the testimonies of these home wreckers? Shouldn't we turn our backs on them and say keep your trashiness to yourself ladies, we're not interested? Instead, we rush out to read the latest blog (thank you by the way) or to pick up the latest gossip rag which adds to their ill-gotten gain.

We know these chicks have been paid very well for their stories but I still feel sorry for them. They are really sad and desperate individuals, how else can we explain their behavior. Unlike some mistresses, these females knew this man was married with a family (& money) but they chose to have sexual relations with him anyway. Really, how low is their self-esteem. Well if they didn't know before they will soon because in a few months the story will die down, Tiger will go on with life (assuming his wife stays with him of course), Elin will still have all of the financial perks, but these women will forever be known as the one time mistress of Tiger Woods. That's it. What then? Nothing and that's exactly what they deserve. Then again, maybe they can start a club something like home-wreckers anonymous-where one time mistresses meet to discuss the culmination of their trifling ways.

Is Chris Brown the only one at fault??

I told myself I wouldn't address the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation but I lied. Everyone is talking and voicing their opinion so here's mine. First let me say that I in no way condone domestic violence on a female or male. So with that being said, I would like to know how much responsibility does the victim need to take? I'm sure it's easy to say Rihanna is in no way responsible for what happened but is that really true. If I'm understanding her verbiage correctly, this wasn't the first time their verbal altercations turned physical. So why stay in this relationship? Love is one thing but stupidity is another.

Everyone makes mistakes and their celebrity in no way erases that fact. While most of the blame should fall on Chris Brown (especially since he witnessed this type of behavior in his own home as a child), shouldn't Rihanna accept some of the blame as well? We have all heard the stories of women being beaten to death by their partner only to find out this wasn't the first time the violence happened. At what point can we say, enough is enough and the get the hell out of there.

Again, it's probably easy for me to say this from the outside looking in (thank God for that) but I wonder how hard is it to leave an abusive partner, especially with no children involved. Don't we owe it to ourselves to put our safety first. If he hits you once, statistics say the chances are very high that he will hit you again. The ending rarely changes and that's the sad part. Is Chris Brown at fault? Sure he is. Has he really changed? Who knows, only time will tell. A man should never hit a women, but a woman shouldn't stay around long enough to see him make a change.

What was the "mystery" behind Steve McNair's death??

Last night, Dateline NBC aired their much anticipated story of Steve McNair titled The Mysterious Death of a Titan. I’m not sure what was so “mysterious” about his death, but anyway. The story documented his rise to fame from Mt. Olive Mississippi to leading the Tennessee Titans to the 2000 Superbowl and then ultimately his untimely death at the hands of his mistress of 6 months Sahel(Jenny) Kazemi. This story has received lots of publicity in the past months but I still find the story fascinating and almost shocking to some degree. I say shocked because, it appears that this man led an entirely separate life from his wife and children presumably in the public eye.

Dateline interviewed the former roommate/best friend of Kazemi who gave a first hand account of the relationship between the two and basically described the relationship as normal and loving. Eddie George,friend and former teammate of Steve McNair talked about Steve the athlete , philanthropist and friend. The McNair family minister spoke of Steve’s plight as a person in the public eye struggling with his family obligations and his personal vices (i.e. his affairs with women). Each of these people knew a different side of Steve but no on knew his callous actions would lead to a traumatic ending on July 4th, 2009.

In addition to friends and family, Dateline also interviewed Brenda L. Thomas, former personal assistant to NBA player Stephon Marbury and author of three best sellers including Every Woman’s Got a Secret. Ms. Thomas offered insight into these “types” of relationships based on her experience in the business. She suggested that the downfall of the relationship was due to neither party playing by the rules. The rules being: Steve didn’t set the appropriate boundaries and Jenny didn’t understand that Steve would never leave his wife for her. This was very interesting to me.

Are there really rules for cheating men and their mistresses? Is the woman on the side supposed to assume that she will never get the man? Should the man make sure the rules are set before getting involved in an extramarital affair? I’m not sure, but to me, it would be easier to stay at home (a lot safer at least). Did Kazemi’s age play a part in her dream of a fairy tale ending? I guess in a way, Ms. Thomas was correct because if McNair and Kazemi observed these “rules” from the beginning, they both would be alive today, maybe.

They're dead, now what???

It seems like every time I turn on the news or surf the net, I'm always hearing about a murder suicide or someone killing a person because that person no longer wanted to be with them. Someone found out their spouse was cheating and killed the husband and then turned the gun on himself. I guess the most recent instance is the murder-suicide of Steve McNair and his crazy jump-off. I have to wonder, is it really that serious? Was it that good? You never really know what makes another person tick, but wow I bet he never thought "this chick is crazy enough to kill me and her". I wouldn't think that. What makes a person so obsessed with another that they feel they have to harm them or worse kill them, so that no one else can have them? And doesn't killing yourself after the fact defeat the purpose? If he/she is dead, there is absolutely no chance they will come back to you and if you're dead, what was the point?

Don't get me wrong, I have loved someone before that didn't love me the same, but I never once thought of killing him and then killing myself. That is so crazy. I mean, I am no stranger to lost love or a broken heart but I don't understand how killing the person solves anything. In the end, they are gone, you are locked up (if the suicide attempt didn't work) and everyone around you suffered for your stupidity. Nothing or no one should make you compromise yourself or your common sense. The next time you want to run someone over because they pissed you off, think about this-"If they die, was my brief moment of rage really worth 15-20+?" I'm just saying, the price for stupidity is often high, can you really afford it? Why do you want someone that doesn't want you anyway, look for purpose and love elsewhere.

Mind your business!!!

It just amazes me that in 2009, people are talking about interracial relationships as if it’s news. People have been dating outside of their race for years so what’s the problem. Why do I care who you date, it’s not my business. I couldn’t care less. If a friend tells me she has a new man, my first question isn’t “is he Black or White?”..it’s more like, “Is he nice?”, “Where did you meet?”, or “Are you happy?”. Why do I care if he doesn’t look like her? If she likes it, I love it. As long as he keeps his hands to himself, it’s all good. I’m not just speaking on this subject because I myself am in an interracial marriage, but because people always find new ways to get on my nerves. Love is colorblind or at least it should be. Wherever you find the love of your life, or your love of the moment, is up to you. Make yourself happy, period...I have one thing to say to people have comments about those who chose to venture outside of their race…Mind your business!