Sky: My Ultimate Blessing

As I watched my daughter sleep, I realized how special she was and how blessed I am. This child can bring about so many emotions in me. She is a blessing because I was once told she would never be here because of trauma I had experienced in my past. I'm blessed because God said "only I have the final word, the doctors must not know what I can do".

I knew from day one that she was going to be something special. We had to work so hard to bring her into this world, (anything that difficult had to be worth it). Now she's here and I'm still amazed at how she came to be. I've only told a few people about our journey to parenthood, so I think I may have a different outlook on the entire experience than most. I can't share right now, but maybe one day soon. Just know that my baby girl is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She has taught me so much about myself. She's also taught me a lot about life. If you're a parent, you understand what I mean (if not, just wait and see). Every day I watch her blossom and every day I see myself in her eyes. She forces me to be patient and understanding, even on those days when she "tries it", I have to dig deep. When she says "I love you mama", for no reason at all, I know it's pure and coming straight from her heart. That kind of love will humble you quickly and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am so glad I chose to put my faith in God and not man. When man said NO, God said YES and here she is today. I am so amazed at her and I'm in awe of God. Through her creation, I now know what TRUE love is. A love that allowed my Heavenly Father to say I was worthy enough to look after His creation. A love like that is so overwhelming, yet so calming at the same time.

Like Tamera, I'm Free to Be Me

I watched Tia &Tamera's reality show tonight for the first time this season. On this particular episode, Tia confronts Tamera about losing herself in her role as wife and mother since she's had her son. Tia remembers when Tamera was loose, free, dressing her age and having fun, but Tamera has a totally different recollection of that time in her life. See what Tia  didn't know is Tamera was depressed, struggling to find happiness, and not herself at all. That realization stunned Tia but more importantly I think it set Tamera free. Tamera was free to tell her sister how just how different they were even though their roles were technically the same.

 Motherhood affects people in different ways. Tia worked hard to get her sexy back and why wouldn't she? At the time she was the sexy wife of an NFL player on a TV show that was at the top of it's game (no pun intended) but Tamera's projects didn't necessarily require that persona, so maybe she didn't feel the pressure to get back to pre-baby weight and wear the short skirts or whatever. Neither approach is wrong, it's about what feels comfortable for you. We get so caught up in what other's think, that we forget who we are, what we want, and what we need. To me that's when we really lose ourselves because we are putting up fronts.

 I understand how both women feel, I was never skinny, and due to my excessive "all-day" sickness, I weighed less than normal during my pregnancy, so no pressure for me. I also took the "I'm someone's mama now" approach so I wanted to be careful what I put out there. Again, it's all about comfort and what work's for you. Just because you love me and "think" I need to be a certain way doesn't mean it's what I think. It goes both ways, you are no less of a loving mom because  you like to get dressed up and go out once and a while. It's about knowing what works for you and your family atmosphere.  I love me and I embrace everything about me from the chick that likes designer handbags and funky clothes to the mama that has to put on sneakers to chase her kid around the park for an hour. To me, that's truly being free!

Mississippi's New law: Collect Blood of Babies born to teen moms for DNA testing

I read an article on Mississippi's new teen mom law regarding a new law in Mississippi that requires hospitals to collect cord blood of babies born to teenage mothers for the purposes of establishing paternity. When I first read this, I had to stop and clear my eyes a bit, after all I do wear glasses so I have to be seeing things, right? Wrong! It's very true and very disturbing. According to the article, the law was designed to combat teenage pregnancy (they claim to have one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country) and more importantly statutory rape. The supporters of the law cite teen mom's unwillingness to name the father's in certain cases, especially if they are older, for fear the dad will be prosecuted. Opponents however say it's a violation of privacy and fear that teenage males may be unjustly prosecuted if they are proven to have fathered a child with an underage girl.

I have to admit, on it's face it's dead wrong, but if we look deeper, what's the real issue? Should we applaud the state of Mississippi for trying to get a handle on a teen pregnancy rate that's reportedly out of control, or should we be concerned more about the Civil Rights of the parties involved? I'm all for privacy, but if my daughter was impregnated by someone she refused to name, I might be inclined to question the circumstances myself.

Honestly, I'm straddling the fence on this one. Teen pregnancy is nothing new and young girls have long been victims of dirty old men seeking the virginity of adolescent females to satisfy their needs. While I agree that something has to be done; there are clearly too many gray areas. Safeguards have to be in place so that teenagers having "consensual" sex aren't criminalized in the same manner as a 30 year old man that likes having sex and impregnating young girls.  The law should focus more on stiffening the penalty for statutory rape versus victimizing the teen mom all over again to possibly prosecute a crime that may or may not have even occurred.

Kids being raised as gender "neutral"

I just saw the story about the Canadian parents that decided it was best not to share the gender of their new  child, not even to  the grandparents. What is the world coming to when parents are raising their children to be gender "neutral"? What does that even mean? I get that you don't want your child be stereotyped but isn't hiding their gender  a bit much? I don't buy the parents argument that they want their child to grow up without blue is for boy and pink is for girls "stereotypes", sounds like the parents just want some attention. They are parading that baby around for any media outlet that comes there way but they want us to respect their privacy.  Does this sound crazy to anyone but me? 

Let's face it, children have enough stress without the added pressure of not knowing if they are a boy or a girl.  Gender is not a lable it's biology, pure and simple, and while I agree it shouldn't be the main focus of our identities, it is very important to our development.  A parent's role is to create a nurturing, stable, inclusive environment. Ultimately a child's upbrining can (and will) determine their success as an adult, but they still need to understand the basics of life.  The world is made up of different types of people and we should be able to teach our children about diversity and the importance of acceptance without acting like the differences don't exist at all. 

This is just my opinion but it's also my blog. Peace and Love <3.

Regaining Focus

The older I get, the more I tend to reflect on errors past. I know it's really not good to dwell and I am the first one to tell people to move on already, but it really is hard. I think about all the plans I had for myself, the choices I should have made etc. But in the end, it doesn't really matter. Life is all about chances and circumstance. We are given more than one road and while the destination may be a certainty, the journey itself  is a little more arbitrary. We like to think we have control over things when we really don't. We have no idea what's in store for us but yet we still focus why ended up in one situation or another. Instead of focusing on why we got there, we should focus on how we got there. Now where to start????

Online dating still scares me!

I recently saw a commercial from Match.com which astounded me. According to their research, 1 out of every 5 relationships were started through online dating-wow really??? I was amazed at this number as it really seems high (yes even at 20%) and if this is the case, is something wrong with our society.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against online dating whatsoever for those who choose this path, I'm just wondering about the validity of the statistic itself. Since I have no real way of validating the data I guess my biggest question is what is the appeal of online dating? While I have friends who have had successful online relationships, some even leading to marriage, I am still a bit leery or maybe I'm just a bit old school. Here are my top 3 reasons why online dating wouldn't work for me:

1. Looks aren't everything but I'm very visual in other aspects. I like to see how you carry yourself, how you dress, how you walk, your swagger, etc. Many of the things that make a man attractive to me can only be demonstrated in person.
2. Stalkers are a reality and while not everyone you meet online has the potential to be crazy and deranged, you can rest assured the only way to really tell when someone is a nut is to meet them in person.
3. Pictures are only worth a thousand words if they are recent. Again, looks aren't everything but I want to get to know the real you, not some made up persona. While I may like everything you say in IM or email and we may really jive, if you no longer look like the picture you posted in your profile, in my opinion, you have already started the relationship off with deception and I'm no longer interested.

I understand times have changed, the online dating nightmares I hear about are enough to scare me. So for those of you who have met and/or fell in love with someone online and have successful relationships, what was it that sent you down that avenue in the first place? Would you recommend online dating to your friends? This is just my opinion but it's my site right..LOL.

The Tiger Woods saga continues

This Tiger Woods mess keeps getting deeper and deeper, literally. Various media outlets are reporting that one of Tiger Wood's tramps (yes I said tramps), has reportedly issued claims of a giving birth to a 9 year old love child with Woods, a son to be exact. According to the Huffington Post article, porn queen(OMG.. is this really a title people are proud of??) Devon James stated she had their "love child" in 2001. Is she kidding? I mean, not many porn stars are known for their discretion so I find it hard to believe that Tiger Woods, the most famous athlete in the world, can have a child in secret with anyone, let alone a porn star. I know it was years before we were forced to hear the sordid details of his many indiscretions with other women but this is too much. These women will stop at nothing.

I'm sure if this child exists, paternity has certainly been established by now, at least I hope so. What does she expect to gain by releasing these statements now? Money? Fame? I hate when people use others, especially children, for their own monetary gain, it's just sick. I don't know how true this story is but if it is, I wonder do these people ever consider the consequences of their actions. Not only does this child have to deal with his mom being a TV "personality", now he has to deal with public scrutiny because his mom couldn't keep her trap shut.

Time to let go of the "old stuff"

I posted something similar to this on my facebook wall last week but I thought it warranted a second post so here goes.

Everyone holds on to "old stuff", including me, but I'm trying to train myself so this is how this post came about. I think it's important to realize that everything that happens to us does so for a reason. While we may not understand it at the time, the reason tends to reveal itself at some later point in our lives.

So, we have to let go of the "old stuff" since holding on does us no good anyway. How many new relationships will we ruin by holding on to past experiences. We have to let it go, not for the other person, but for ourselves. Whatever the person did to break your heart or negatively affect your self-esteem, LET IT GO. We shouldn't let others steal our joy. Bitter hearts block blessings, so heal yourself today and let whatever it is go.

A woman scorned

By now most of you have probably heard about the "jilted" lover's billboard revenge. If not, I will summarize it the best that I can. YaVaughnie Wilkins had a long term affair with Oracle software President (and member of President Obama's Economic Advisory board) Charles Phillips which apparantly didn't end on good terms. So in the ultimate act of revenge, YaVaughnie decides to out her former lover by purchasing billboards in 3 major cities, including Atlanta and New York, of her and "her" man while they were together. She went further to create a website which has since been shut down. I won't go into further details, the story can be viewed in it's entirety on the NY Daily news website.

It's no secret that a woman scorned can be your worst enemy, but was this really necessary? What did this woman really expect out of this? While she may have sought the ultimate revenge on this man for whatever reason, did she forget that she was a part of this seedy relationship as well? True she got back at him and publicly humiliated him and his entire family, but what does this say about her? While he may be a dog, what does that really make her? She just publicly admitted to knowingly having an affair with a married man, UGH.

First, let me say this, I have done some stupid things in my life and made some very bad choices and most were emotional. Now, here's my two cents: As women, we need to be careful how we carry ourselves. Our choices and behavior carry a lot weight and ultimately speak to our true character. We should think before we act. If someone makes you angry, our first defense is to retaliate, it's normal and human nature. But, we need to ask ourselves some questions first:

1. Is this really worth it?
2. What was my part in this situation?
3. Can I go to jail for my actions?
4. When this is over, will I still be able to look myself in the mirror and know I would do things the same way again if I had to?
5. Could my actions possibly jeopardize my future?

If you don't like the answer to these questions, DON'T DO IT!! It really is that simple. I know it's 2010, but we are still held to different standards from men. Sure some women will praise her for her antics but I'm not one of them. This stuff may be cute when you're young but now as an adult. She's over 40 and should know better. These things always turn out the same way: He will go on to bigger and better things and she will only be known as the woman who slept with a dog and told everyone about it.