Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL........

Wow, this holiday season has been full of ups and downs. On the one hand I'm happy that I was able to spend time with my family and on the other, I'm missing those who have passed on. Either way, I'm truly thankful for the many gifts I've received this year from God. I'm not talking about presents, I mean "true gifts". These gifts are things that have no monetary value but they hold sentimental value. I have been so blessed to spend another year holding my daughter, being able to talk to my mom, texting with my brother, playing Words with Friends with my bestie, or just watching my husband smile at our child when he thinks I'm not looking.

These are the things you can't put a price tag on; the things that REALLY matter in life. To me, that's what the Christmas holiday is all about; sharing, living, laughing, appreciating, and giving. I have been blessed and I pray that you have been blessed as well. Take time today to reflect on the day's events and really just say Thank You Jesus, it's because of you I'm able to ______. He knows your needs and your desires, so just thank Him in advance. I promise you, when He answers, that gift will be like no other.

.......AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT

You Can't Take Me There

Tonight, while lurking on FB, I ran across some virtual beef between a few folks. The reason for the beef, isn't my issue, my concern lies with allowing people to take you "there". You know that place that only a person who means you no good can take you to. "There" is the place that will make you lose what little religion you have, it may even cause you to do something stupid.

I'm not immune, people have taken me "there" on plenty of occasions. Some people know what sets me off and if they are having a bad day, they like to take you along for the ride. This advice is as much for me as for anyone else, we have to stop allowing people to take us out of our zone.   Even my daughter has this problem. When she has a bad day at school, she often says "so and so, did this or that and that's why I did what I did". I'm trying to teach her that she, and she alone, is in control of her destiny. How she chooses to respond to stumbling blocks is her responsibility and that choice with ultimately define what type of adult she will become. We are judged by the decisions we make and when the decisions are bad or yield bad results, people rarely consider the circumstances that caused us to act a certain way. We end up looking like idiots, while the other person has moved on to terrorize their next victim.  I hope she gets it early, because I've only recently learned this lesson for myself.

Some people crave drama and discontent; not me. I am choosing to block folks that get in my spiritual space. Will I always adhere to my own advice? Who's to say, it really depends. I just know that some things are worth the drama, but most things are not.

Be Blessed!

For The Longest Time

(Reposted from my Face Book status)

 

I stepped out to run errands during lunch and I stopped at RaceTrac to take advantage of their free coffee. It was packed of course and blocking the coffee dispensers were a bunch of kids talking it up. I was mad because I have stuff to do. I was getting ready to leave, when the manager said "anyone standing in line for free coffee has to sing". They looked at each other, someone counted 1..2..3..... and then they began to sing "For the longest time" (I think that's Billy Joel). Let me say, they sounded amazing and changed my mood instantly. I found out they were returning from singing at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta.
This reminded me 1) How much fun I had in show choir and 2)How free spirited kids really are. These kids didn't make a fuss or catch an attitude, they stood there and gave joy to everyone in the store. Be blessed!!

Getting To My Happy Place

I think I've reached the time in my life where I realize nothing is what I thought it would be.
I'm not where I thought I would be and I'm no where near that "place". I have to figure out my plan B because plan A didn't work so well. I have to stop relying on others to be happy and figure out how to get to happy on my own. I think I can get there but I'm not sure who will be there when I finally reach that happy place. What I do know is for once in my life, I'm finally ready to take things to the next level and shake things up a bit. The excitement is intoxicating and terrifying at the same time.

Guilty Pain

This week I told someone your story. I didn't share the entire book, just your last chapter because it's the one that sticks in my mind. I don't know why it's so hard to talk about, after all it's been 14 years. 

So much has happened since then, it seems like I've lived a thousand lives since you went away. You were there for so many things in my life yet I didn't get to share the most important things. I've met a boy, fell in love, got married, received my Master's Degree, had a baby and watched our family fall apart without our "glue".  I miss you daily though some days are worse than others. There are times when I think of you and laugh and there are times I think of you and cry. I'm not sure why it still hurts so much, but it does. I often hear  people say "it feels like yesterday", well honestly it does.

 I've tried so hard to be strong and yet today I feel weak. I know you are in a better place and your pain is completely gone but sometimes I feel cheated. I miss you so much. Of all the people I've known, you were the most real. I think I  can't get over it because I feel so guilty. I don't think I ever told you that I loved you, I never thanked you for being there for me when my Mom couldn't, but most importantly, I'm sorry for not being there when you left this Earth. So just in case you can hear me now, I love you, I thank you and I miss you.

Picking Up The Slack

I've been slacking lately, not at work, or home, but on my blog. I cannot believe I haven't expressed myself in this forum in almost 2 weeks. I wish I could say that something truly spectacular happened which caused my mini hiatus but that's not the case. I basically just got too busy to write. That's very scary for me, because writing is my passion, writing is my way of expression my joys as well as my frustrations.

 I love having the space to call my own, where I don't have to have a filter, where I can just be me. My life has so many twists and turns and yet, for the past 2 weeks, I've kept everything bottled up. Even as I type this post, I can feel myself loosening up as the stress of my week gently melts away. I honestly enjoy sharing myself with others in this way because I don't allow too many people in my circle. This way my feelings can fly free, even if I don't "name names"...lol. I can get mad, say what I want, and then move on. The best part about this is, if someone doesn't like what I'm saying, they have the freedom to not read but I would rather engage in a healthy debate. After all this is why I do what I do.

 I know I'm not the only person who has strong opinions about certain issues, so why not engage in healthy discussions. We have to find ways to detox mentally from time to time and allow our passions to explode beyond our thoughts. We have to be inspired by something to be motivated to do something. I'm embracing all my passions and releasing them one by one. It's time to get moving and finish some things that I started so long ago. No more slacking for me.
Be Blessed!

Longing to Live on Purpose

I attended the memorial service for my friend yesterday and I must say it was beautiful. Stories were shared as well as laughter and tears. I think the most touching part was when the video tribute was played and she actually was able to speak long enough to thank God for blessing her abundantly and personally thanking her friends for always checking on her. Needless to say there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

Afterwards, the minister couldn't say a lot because, as he put it, "she basically gave her own eulogy". So instead of the traditional eulogy, the minister asked us to think about the impact she had on our lives and asked one question: "What will you do with what she gave you?" Now that was powerful. He cited all of the wonderful things people had to say about her from her jovial spirit to her love for God. He reminded us, that all of our days were numbered and death was surely certain, so what will we do with the time in between birth and death.

 I admit, I thought about that very question all night. I remembered looking around the sanctuary at all of the friends she made and the lives she touched. I looked at the people celebrating her life yet mourning the fact that we will no longer see her smiling face or hear her laughter that could fill the largest of rooms. I thought to myself, I want to live life to the fullest. I want to change lives and live ON PURPOSE. Basically, I wanted to live like my friend. Through every illness she suffered, and there were many, she greeted every battle with strength and courage. She never let her pain define her; she was the true definition of a survivor. She purposefully touched the lives of adults and children alike, leaving a legacy that is surely slated to please the Lord for as long as we are on this Earth.

As for me, I want to leave this life knowing I did what God required of me and most importantly I want my friends and family to know that I loved them with all my might. I will truly miss her shining light and her thoughtfulness. I know she wouldn't want the tears so I shed my last tear last night and took comfort in knowing she heard the words she longed to hear "Well done my good and faithful servant, well done".