Breast Cancer Awareness - These "Girls Ain't Loyal

As a breast cancer survivor, the month of October holds a special significance, it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month and it's also the month I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer in 2010. It was a very difficult time in my life. When I was diagnosed, I couldn't imagine how I would live life without my two best friends. That's when I decided I would do whatever it took to save them.

I remember as a little girl, getting "boobies" was all I thought about. Once I got them, they would become a huge part of my identity. I went above and beyond to accentuate "the girls". So imagine how I felt when I realized they were trying to kill me. The one part of my physique that never received criticism, the one part of my body that always made me feel good about myself, were now betraying me in the worst way.  I was over feeling sorry for myself, I was MAD.

As I underwent a lumpectomy and then radiation treatments, I kept trying to understand how things once so beloved were now causing me such distress. For 26 weeks, I went in for treatment and had conversations with other patients while waiting. There were a lot of first timers but there were also a lot of repeat patients. I didn't mind being the former but I had problem thinking of myself as the latter.  That's when I had to get real with myself and ask "why was I so stressed?"  I didn't have to have a mastectomy but I'm so glad that I was able to get real with myself just in case.

The point is, when we receive traumatic news, it's easy to feel sorry for ourselves or breakdown and cry to God "why me?"  but what we should really ask is "If it has to be me, how do I move forward?" The reality hit me like a ton of bricks.   Just like the song says "..these girls ain't loyal..", so why was I trying to hold on to them when they were literally trying to wipe me out. They were merely a part of my body that, if necessary, I really could live without. That's the key, I wanted to LIVE and if that meant removing the girls completely from my life, I was ready. This experience gave me a whole new perspective on my life and I'm so glad I was able to see the real me, for once.

Happy New Year!

As I sit here writing my last post of 2013, I'm in awe of myself for some reason. This year was unique  for me. I participated in  a writing challenge, I changed roles at my job, I did a few things I said I would never do and I learned a lot about myself in the process. I hope you all had a chance to experience life in new and exciting ways and that you learned new things as well.

While most people are making New Year's Resolutions that will only last a few months, I choose to keep pressing on. I want to keep improving myself and stepping out on faith. I want to wish you all love, peace, happiness and what ever else your heart desires in the new year. I look forward to interacting with you all more and maybe even finishing my book. ;). Who knows, anything is possible.
Be Blessed!

Merry Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL........

Wow, this holiday season has been full of ups and downs. On the one hand I'm happy that I was able to spend time with my family and on the other, I'm missing those who have passed on. Either way, I'm truly thankful for the many gifts I've received this year from God. I'm not talking about presents, I mean "true gifts". These gifts are things that have no monetary value but they hold sentimental value. I have been so blessed to spend another year holding my daughter, being able to talk to my mom, texting with my brother, playing Words with Friends with my bestie, or just watching my husband smile at our child when he thinks I'm not looking.

These are the things you can't put a price tag on; the things that REALLY matter in life. To me, that's what the Christmas holiday is all about; sharing, living, laughing, appreciating, and giving. I have been blessed and I pray that you have been blessed as well. Take time today to reflect on the day's events and really just say Thank You Jesus, it's because of you I'm able to ______. He knows your needs and your desires, so just thank Him in advance. I promise you, when He answers, that gift will be like no other.

.......AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT

You Can't Take Me There

Tonight, while lurking on FB, I ran across some virtual beef between a few folks. The reason for the beef, isn't my issue, my concern lies with allowing people to take you "there". You know that place that only a person who means you no good can take you to. "There" is the place that will make you lose what little religion you have, it may even cause you to do something stupid.

I'm not immune, people have taken me "there" on plenty of occasions. Some people know what sets me off and if they are having a bad day, they like to take you along for the ride. This advice is as much for me as for anyone else, we have to stop allowing people to take us out of our zone.   Even my daughter has this problem. When she has a bad day at school, she often says "so and so, did this or that and that's why I did what I did". I'm trying to teach her that she, and she alone, is in control of her destiny. How she chooses to respond to stumbling blocks is her responsibility and that choice with ultimately define what type of adult she will become. We are judged by the decisions we make and when the decisions are bad or yield bad results, people rarely consider the circumstances that caused us to act a certain way. We end up looking like idiots, while the other person has moved on to terrorize their next victim.  I hope she gets it early, because I've only recently learned this lesson for myself.

Some people crave drama and discontent; not me. I am choosing to block folks that get in my spiritual space. Will I always adhere to my own advice? Who's to say, it really depends. I just know that some things are worth the drama, but most things are not.

Be Blessed!

For The Longest Time

(Reposted from my Face Book status)

 

I stepped out to run errands during lunch and I stopped at RaceTrac to take advantage of their free coffee. It was packed of course and blocking the coffee dispensers were a bunch of kids talking it up. I was mad because I have stuff to do. I was getting ready to leave, when the manager said "anyone standing in line for free coffee has to sing". They looked at each other, someone counted 1..2..3..... and then they began to sing "For the longest time" (I think that's Billy Joel). Let me say, they sounded amazing and changed my mood instantly. I found out they were returning from singing at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta.
This reminded me 1) How much fun I had in show choir and 2)How free spirited kids really are. These kids didn't make a fuss or catch an attitude, they stood there and gave joy to everyone in the store. Be blessed!!

Getting To My Happy Place

I think I've reached the time in my life where I realize nothing is what I thought it would be.
I'm not where I thought I would be and I'm no where near that "place". I have to figure out my plan B because plan A didn't work so well. I have to stop relying on others to be happy and figure out how to get to happy on my own. I think I can get there but I'm not sure who will be there when I finally reach that happy place. What I do know is for once in my life, I'm finally ready to take things to the next level and shake things up a bit. The excitement is intoxicating and terrifying at the same time.

Guilty Pain

This week I told someone your story. I didn't share the entire book, just your last chapter because it's the one that sticks in my mind. I don't know why it's so hard to talk about, after all it's been 14 years. 

So much has happened since then, it seems like I've lived a thousand lives since you went away. You were there for so many things in my life yet I didn't get to share the most important things. I've met a boy, fell in love, got married, received my Master's Degree, had a baby and watched our family fall apart without our "glue".  I miss you daily though some days are worse than others. There are times when I think of you and laugh and there are times I think of you and cry. I'm not sure why it still hurts so much, but it does. I often hear  people say "it feels like yesterday", well honestly it does.

 I've tried so hard to be strong and yet today I feel weak. I know you are in a better place and your pain is completely gone but sometimes I feel cheated. I miss you so much. Of all the people I've known, you were the most real. I think I  can't get over it because I feel so guilty. I don't think I ever told you that I loved you, I never thanked you for being there for me when my Mom couldn't, but most importantly, I'm sorry for not being there when you left this Earth. So just in case you can hear me now, I love you, I thank you and I miss you.