Like Tamera, I'm Free to Be Me

I watched Tia &Tamera's reality show tonight for the first time this season. On this particular episode, Tia confronts Tamera about losing herself in her role as wife and mother since she's had her son. Tia remembers when Tamera was loose, free, dressing her age and having fun, but Tamera has a totally different recollection of that time in her life. See what Tia  didn't know is Tamera was depressed, struggling to find happiness, and not herself at all. That realization stunned Tia but more importantly I think it set Tamera free. Tamera was free to tell her sister how just how different they were even though their roles were technically the same.

 Motherhood affects people in different ways. Tia worked hard to get her sexy back and why wouldn't she? At the time she was the sexy wife of an NFL player on a TV show that was at the top of it's game (no pun intended) but Tamera's projects didn't necessarily require that persona, so maybe she didn't feel the pressure to get back to pre-baby weight and wear the short skirts or whatever. Neither approach is wrong, it's about what feels comfortable for you. We get so caught up in what other's think, that we forget who we are, what we want, and what we need. To me that's when we really lose ourselves because we are putting up fronts.

 I understand how both women feel, I was never skinny, and due to my excessive "all-day" sickness, I weighed less than normal during my pregnancy, so no pressure for me. I also took the "I'm someone's mama now" approach so I wanted to be careful what I put out there. Again, it's all about comfort and what work's for you. Just because you love me and "think" I need to be a certain way doesn't mean it's what I think. It goes both ways, you are no less of a loving mom because  you like to get dressed up and go out once and a while. It's about knowing what works for you and your family atmosphere.  I love me and I embrace everything about me from the chick that likes designer handbags and funky clothes to the mama that has to put on sneakers to chase her kid around the park for an hour. To me, that's truly being free!

Writer's Block

When I committed to the @31WriteNow challenge, I had no idea how hard it would be to put my thoughts into words for 31 straight days. I mean, I'm the one who always has something to say and I really don't mind giving you my opinion (whether you want it or not isn't the issue, lol). Tonight however I find myself in unfamiliar territory, the land that is writer's block. There is so much going on in the world yet I can't find anything to say, constructive or otherwise. I think at this point, my friends are falling out of their seats in disbelief, LOL but it's true, tonight I have nothing.

 I have nothing to say about the little boy that jumped the line in front of my daughter today at the skate rink, with his rude self.

I have nothing to say about the e-coupon I downloaded today for a FREE box of Ultimate Hamburger Helper I was so excited about, but was nowhere to be found at the grocery store.

 I have nothing to say about the red hair dye I purchased last week that didn't turn my hair red AT ALL.

 I have nothing to say about the loooooong list of school supplies I have to purchase even though my property tax bill has a clear itemization for money deemed as "school tax".

 I have nothing to say about the promotion I know I deserve but have yet to receive.

Most importantly, I have nothing to say about my many sleepless nights trying to clear levels in Candy Crush, it's not like I have a job to go to, or a family to take care of or anything like that.

 So for those of you that took the time to visit my blog and read my posts, I can't thank you enough, but you caught me on a night when I really just have nothing to say. ;-)

Mississippi's New law: Collect Blood of Babies born to teen moms for DNA testing

I read an article on Mississippi's new teen mom law regarding a new law in Mississippi that requires hospitals to collect cord blood of babies born to teenage mothers for the purposes of establishing paternity. When I first read this, I had to stop and clear my eyes a bit, after all I do wear glasses so I have to be seeing things, right? Wrong! It's very true and very disturbing. According to the article, the law was designed to combat teenage pregnancy (they claim to have one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country) and more importantly statutory rape. The supporters of the law cite teen mom's unwillingness to name the father's in certain cases, especially if they are older, for fear the dad will be prosecuted. Opponents however say it's a violation of privacy and fear that teenage males may be unjustly prosecuted if they are proven to have fathered a child with an underage girl.

I have to admit, on it's face it's dead wrong, but if we look deeper, what's the real issue? Should we applaud the state of Mississippi for trying to get a handle on a teen pregnancy rate that's reportedly out of control, or should we be concerned more about the Civil Rights of the parties involved? I'm all for privacy, but if my daughter was impregnated by someone she refused to name, I might be inclined to question the circumstances myself.

Honestly, I'm straddling the fence on this one. Teen pregnancy is nothing new and young girls have long been victims of dirty old men seeking the virginity of adolescent females to satisfy their needs. While I agree that something has to be done; there are clearly too many gray areas. Safeguards have to be in place so that teenagers having "consensual" sex aren't criminalized in the same manner as a 30 year old man that likes having sex and impregnating young girls.  The law should focus more on stiffening the penalty for statutory rape versus victimizing the teen mom all over again to possibly prosecute a crime that may or may not have even occurred.

20/20 (A Poem)

I often try to do what’s right, no matter what the cost

It may mean losing a friend or two but really it’s not that big of a loss
Many times the road I choose may seem far off to some
But life for me has been a trial with more tests sure to come

I never sit and wait for things to fall in place for me
Perhaps that’s one of my downfalls, for what will be will be
Try not to look at me and sigh, and say “what’s up with her?
I’ve had somewhat of a really tough year, but to discuss, I wouldn’t prefer
Life’s ups and downs and in-betweens have forced my hand a bit
I now take time to think things through instead of having a fit

Moving on and pressing forward are necessary you see,
For no matter what you try to control, only God determines what will be
No time for drama, I’m a brand new me, accepting any challenges that come
Making room for lots of new things and marching to the beat of a new drum
My journey, I can tell, is far from done,  I’m learning more each day
I see things just a bit more clearly, so there’s not much more I can say
I’m living life and loving more, as time waits for no man
Please be patient, I’m still growing, but I’m doing the best that I can
Try not to worry, please don’t fret, I’m still the girl you knew
I am still just a little bit jaded, and to myself I must be true
 

 

 

 

 

NOT GUILTY, NOW WHAT?

Tonight, a huge disservice was done to the American people-George Zimmerman was found NOT GUILTY in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin. I, like most people, am shocked at the verdict. My shock however is outweighed by sadness, not just because Trayvon’s admitted killer is free, but because I feel this verdict sends the wrong message.  

A NOT GUILTY verdict implies it’s okay to be accosted because you don’t look like you belong or you fit the description of someone who committed a crime. This NOT GUILTY verdict implies it’s okay to shoot someone after you lose a fistfight (even if you were the aggressor); a NOT GUILTY verdict implies it’s okay to base your actions on preconceived notions, even if they are wrong. I’m not sure what the jurors were thinking but I hope the decision didn’t come easy. Right now I bet they are rethinking everything that occurred and wondering whether or not they made the right decision. I wonder if they are even aware of how controversial the trial had been. What I do know is they are now at home with their families and friends and no doubt dealing with all sorts of emotions. My heart goes out to them for I wouldn't want to be in their shoes right now.

The upcoming week will surely bring more media coverage, more outrage, and definitely more attention to race relations in America. My hope is that the outcome of this trial will spark more fruitful debates on gun control as well as race relations because at this point, Trayvon’s death is no longer about guilt or innocence but about tolerance and sensitivity.

My prayers go out to Trayvon’s family and friends. May God’s grace and mercy see you through these hard times and offer you comfort when only HIS love will do.

Paula Deen Isn't The Only One Needing A Change

I’m still sitting here trying to understand all of the outrage behind Paula Deen’s comments. Don’t get me wrong, I’m disappointed in her because I was truly a fan but the fact that so many Blacks are expressing their discontent amazes me. I'm not justifying her use of racial slurs or making other racist remarks.  Quite frankly I'm disgusted by the whole chain of events, however, I have more of an issue with the blatant double standard from the Black community versus hearing that a White woman from the deep South has uttered the word "Nigger" from her mouth either in the past or even yesterday.

For whatever reason, some Blacks think it’s okay to use the “N” word as it’s culturally revered as a “term of endearment”. Some of our most beloved rappers are really the guiltiest; throwing the word around like it’s some type of badge of honor.   I don’t know about you, but that’s not flattery to me.  I think it’s hypocritical for us to say that it’s okay for our youth to address each other with greetings like “What’s up my N^&&a” or “N^&&a please!” or “This N^&&a here” but get angry if a Non-Black person says it. What’s the deal with that? Who in their right mind would want to be addressed that way?

 I do not understand how a word that holds such a historical semblance of hatred, now holds such cultural significance in our community today. Honestly, the word holds no power over me personally because I know who I am and from whence I came. However, I find it hard to believe my ancestors were marching so we could have the freedom to vote, the freedom to eat where we chose, also wanted us to have the freedom to refer to each other with the same racial epitaph that was once used to justify Jim Crow.

While most people that use this reference really mean no harm, it’s actually doing more harm than we know. See when we run around town referring to one another as Niggas, Bitches and Hoes, we are unknowingly giving everyone around us permission to do the same. I can’t stand the word, I don’t care who uses it. It’s degrading, derogatory and offensive yet we only find harm in it when someone of another race says it. How stupid is that? Better yet, how stupid are we?

Discontentment

Have you ever had so much on your mind that you just couldn't seem to close your eyes for a good night's sleep? Lately that's me.  I've been through a lot this past year and I think it's finally starting to take it's toll on me. Typically I try not to let things worry me but the older I get, the more I have to lose. I know that may sound crazy to some but lately I feel like I'm going down instead of up. It's really hard to put into words but my mind is all boggled down.  I think I spend too much time comparing my life and accomplishments to those of my friends. HUGE mistake!!!

 I know things aren't  always what they seem yet I don't think I'm envious of them, I'm  just frustrated with me. The word "discontent" comes to mind. I'm not unhappy but something is missing. I have this longing, this need;  I need to feel satisfied, I need to feel complete, I need to feed this hunger inside, I need to keep writing.