Why is it that when a man tells his woman he's been cheating on her she immediately wants to know two things: How long? and Does he love her? Should you really care if he loves the other woman or not? Does his admission of love make the act any less hurtful? Does it ease your pain? I wouldn't think so. While the question may be a natural reaction, I'm not sure that I care if you love this other chick or not.
Women make it too easy for men to recover from such transgressions by denying (whether truthfully or not) their love for the other woman. Once a man says "I don't love her, I love you", women fall right back into their arms. On the other hand, if he says "yes, I love her", women immediately want to know why and proceed to try to "fix" themselves to seek acceptance from the cheater. Here's a note: when a man cheats on you, the problem may very well be within him and not you.
We as women should love ourselves enough to know that no matter what we have going for us and what we provide, if he wants to cheat he will. No explanation necessary. If a real problem between you exists, decide if the relationship is actually worth saving and make moves accordingly. But please don't justify his actions by finding fault with yourself. You will spend the rest of your life in constant repair mode possibly to no avail.
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My grandfather always told me to never ask a question in which I may be scared of the answer. Isn't that the same rule lawyers adhere to?
ReplyDeleteYes, I am a little touched (by an angel), but I think women like this are asking the wrong questions. How about these... Did you wear protection? Are you trying to make me catch a case? Will I need to call the police in order for you to leave the premises? All of these questions make more sense to me and should be asked in the calmest manner.
You are so wise in the advice you are giving. I completely agree with women not blaming themselves. I do believe that it takes two to make it and two to break it. However, sometimes my part may be not paying attention to the signs, or constantly accepting the unacceptable. I've been in this situation. In all fairness, I did warn him to not let me see him for a while. Because he did know me so well, he waited until I was stable... well, stable enough!