Paula Deen Isn't The Only One Needing A Change

I’m still sitting here trying to understand all of the outrage behind Paula Deen’s comments. Don’t get me wrong, I’m disappointed in her because I was truly a fan but the fact that so many Blacks are expressing their discontent amazes me. I'm not justifying her use of racial slurs or making other racist remarks.  Quite frankly I'm disgusted by the whole chain of events, however, I have more of an issue with the blatant double standard from the Black community versus hearing that a White woman from the deep South has uttered the word "Nigger" from her mouth either in the past or even yesterday.

For whatever reason, some Blacks think it’s okay to use the “N” word as it’s culturally revered as a “term of endearment”. Some of our most beloved rappers are really the guiltiest; throwing the word around like it’s some type of badge of honor.   I don’t know about you, but that’s not flattery to me.  I think it’s hypocritical for us to say that it’s okay for our youth to address each other with greetings like “What’s up my N^&&a” or “N^&&a please!” or “This N^&&a here” but get angry if a Non-Black person says it. What’s the deal with that? Who in their right mind would want to be addressed that way?

 I do not understand how a word that holds such a historical semblance of hatred, now holds such cultural significance in our community today. Honestly, the word holds no power over me personally because I know who I am and from whence I came. However, I find it hard to believe my ancestors were marching so we could have the freedom to vote, the freedom to eat where we chose, also wanted us to have the freedom to refer to each other with the same racial epitaph that was once used to justify Jim Crow.

While most people that use this reference really mean no harm, it’s actually doing more harm than we know. See when we run around town referring to one another as Niggas, Bitches and Hoes, we are unknowingly giving everyone around us permission to do the same. I can’t stand the word, I don’t care who uses it. It’s degrading, derogatory and offensive yet we only find harm in it when someone of another race says it. How stupid is that? Better yet, how stupid are we?

Discontentment

Have you ever had so much on your mind that you just couldn't seem to close your eyes for a good night's sleep? Lately that's me.  I've been through a lot this past year and I think it's finally starting to take it's toll on me. Typically I try not to let things worry me but the older I get, the more I have to lose. I know that may sound crazy to some but lately I feel like I'm going down instead of up. It's really hard to put into words but my mind is all boggled down.  I think I spend too much time comparing my life and accomplishments to those of my friends. HUGE mistake!!!

 I know things aren't  always what they seem yet I don't think I'm envious of them, I'm  just frustrated with me. The word "discontent" comes to mind. I'm not unhappy but something is missing. I have this longing, this need;  I need to feel satisfied, I need to feel complete, I need to feed this hunger inside, I need to keep writing. 

Baby I'm Back

Wow, it's almost been a year since I've written anything. A lot has happened in my life and for some reason I chose to keep it to myself. However, I am now ready to share myself again through this blog and through my book. That's right, I am going to start my book, AGAIN.  I feel like it's the right time and I"m ready to move forward. It's a story that needs to told, has to be told. I'm finally ready. Wish me luck. Maybe I will give you a sneak peak throughout the process. As always, feedback is wanted. I will be writing more from now on and hopefully I will inspire someone else to do the same thing.

Daddy Dear

I finally watched an episode of Braxton Family Values the other night and quite honestly I got more than I bargained for. While I typically shy away from a lot of reality TV, this was by far the best one I’ve seen yet. This particular episode focused on the siblings getting together in their hometown to have a family meal with their father. Though I don’t know the details of their relationship, I was drawn to keep watching as the sisters’ anticipation grew. In all, these successful, beautiful, independent and GROWN women were excited about spending time with their “daddy”. Despite the fact that I don’t have that type of connection with my biological father, it was heartwarming to see the vulnerability in those women.

As the sisters, their mother, and their one brother sat down to the meal, various topics were discussed from Toni’s decision on posing for Playboy to the shift in the family dynamic over the years but as time went on, I noticed that “daddy” hadn’t shown up yet and I wasn’t alone. 30 minutes passed, then 1 hour and so on. After several attempts to contact him, to no avail, the siblings realize it’s not going to happen and they head back to the airport and to their own lives obviously devastated and heartbroken. As they wait to depart it appears I’m no longer watching the successful Braxton sisters, I’m now watching the heartbroken little girls crying, being consoled by their ever present mom and one another and I was hurt.

This scene was so profound because it speaks volumes to the importance of Fathers in our lives. See, it doesn’t matter, how successful you are, how much money you have or even how old you are, every little girl desires their father’s love, attention, and acceptance. Their heartbreak at the age of 40 is no different than the one experienced by the little girl of 5 or even 10 years old when she realizes Daddy isn’t coming today. Parents, especially fathers, need to be more conscious of the effects their actions have on their daughters. The absence of the father in a young girl’s life shapes her opinion of men as she enters into adulthood and ultimately plays a role in her social development and self esteem. While these ladies are all grown up with families of their own, the presence of their father could further validate their inner strength thus strengthening the entire extended family as well.

Ode to the Non- Effective "Leader "

The older I get, the harder it is for me to put up with stupidity and ignorance. These days, I really find it quite difficult to converse with people who have no clue about the subject at hand or life in general.

Some people go through their lives oblivious to the world around them but expect you to resepect their opinions and authority. I have news for you, just because you are in a "leadership" role does not make you an effective leader. An effective leader knows that in order to be a good leader you must first have a strong foundation. An effective leader can engage in fruitful discussions with at least a basic knowledge of the subject. An effective leader will allow you to express your concerns without fear of retaliation. An effective leader embraces the strengths in the people around them. An effective leader allows others to feel valued and appreciated. An effective leader knows how to motivate peopele when the chips are down.
So the next time you are sitting at your desk, giving out misguided information, think about the qualities of an effective leader, realize you are not one, and send in your resignation letter.

Kids being raised as gender "neutral"

I just saw the story about the Canadian parents that decided it was best not to share the gender of their new  child, not even to  the grandparents. What is the world coming to when parents are raising their children to be gender "neutral"? What does that even mean? I get that you don't want your child be stereotyped but isn't hiding their gender  a bit much? I don't buy the parents argument that they want their child to grow up without blue is for boy and pink is for girls "stereotypes", sounds like the parents just want some attention. They are parading that baby around for any media outlet that comes there way but they want us to respect their privacy.  Does this sound crazy to anyone but me? 

Let's face it, children have enough stress without the added pressure of not knowing if they are a boy or a girl.  Gender is not a lable it's biology, pure and simple, and while I agree it shouldn't be the main focus of our identities, it is very important to our development.  A parent's role is to create a nurturing, stable, inclusive environment. Ultimately a child's upbrining can (and will) determine their success as an adult, but they still need to understand the basics of life.  The world is made up of different types of people and we should be able to teach our children about diversity and the importance of acceptance without acting like the differences don't exist at all. 

This is just my opinion but it's also my blog. Peace and Love <3.

Let Her Eat Pork!!!

I listened to my favorite radio show this morning and they played an audio clip of Rush Limbaugh criticizing First Lady Michelle Obama's eating habits. This is nothing new, but I was taken aback by one of his comments in particular. He basically ranted about Mrs. Obama being photographed recently while she was eating ribs and stated she should focus on practicing what she preaches with regards to eating healthy and setting a good example.He also suggested she is "fat", stating she will not be on the cover of Sports Illustrated. The irony in his statements are amazing, have you seen him lately? He has to be over 250 pounds himself and yet he can publicly criticize someone for their weight and eating habits. It's really quite laughable.

Mrs Obama is setting a wonderful example, she is a mentor and champion of children worldwide and she proves it time and time again. She is not only promoting healthier eating habits for our children but she also promotes staying active. Not once have I heard the First Lady say you can't indulge once in while but she is concerned that children across OUR Nation are not getting the basic nutrients and activities their bodies need to sustain a healthy lifestyle.

The keyword in the First Lady's campaign is habit, which means the norm. She would rather see a  child eating a healthy balanced meal and riding a bike versus eating chips and playing video games everyday. So while you may see her eat ribs once in a while you better believe this is not her normal meal pattern.